Scraps; Volume 1
Henry VIII
Henry VIII king of England, he had six wives,
Half of which had rather shorter lives.
Three died, two divorced and the last was glad by far,
For she outlived him, her name Catherine Parr.
Mash
I love mash,
I have a secret stash.
I use up all my cash,
To go and buy myself some mash.
I’m fonder of the baked bean,
Cos it’s a gastric dream.
It makes your precious rump,
Make a smelly, noisy pump.
Frankie Stein
Oh my word; Frankie Stein - blooming heck,
What is that thing sticking out of your neck?
The look of it makes me wanna spew,
Either side there is a screw.
Rose & Crown
I’m off to the Rose & Crown
wearing just a surgical gown.
I know that I have got
to go to my local spot.
Because the hospital grub
Isn’t as good as in the pub.
Another reason I’m here
is because I want a beer.
Pffft! My surgery can wait
Cos I’ll be drinking here ‘til late.
Colours
Red is for the blood that’s oozing out my bodily places.
Green is the colour of everyone else’s faces.
My glass eye has a pigment, its colour is a shade of blue.
I’ve just dropped it in the brown lunchtime stew.
A nasty surprise
Surprise-Surprise, it’s Cilla here,
Turn up the volume, put down your beer.
Now then chuck I bet you wonder
What happened to the in-laws that went down under?
Just when you thought you’d got rid of the lot,
Well Surprise-Surprise! I’m sorry you’ve not.
We’ve tracked them down, and on a plane they’ve flew
from Australia just to see you.
Well, ta-ra for now and thanks a lot,
Help! He’s pulled a gun-I’m gonna get shot!
“Now that I’ve shot you in the back,
You can’t bring back the in-laws, Miss Cilla Black!
Smile
What is the most precious mime?
It cheers you up every single time.
To be greeted with a smile,
Makes you feel happy a little while.
Copyright ©
Paige Turner
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