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4/25/2017 12:45 AM - Joseph Soper
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4/21/2017 12:25 PM - Doug Vinson
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4/26/2017 7:17 PM - Alex Grimm
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4/25/2017 4:13 PM - Wayne Kingston
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4/4/2017 4:57 AM - Tony Devers
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4/18/2017 9:36 AM - Tony Devers
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Recent posts
4/26/2017 7:17:06 PM
Topic:
Love for the Moment

Alex Grimm
Posts: 1
I really want to be a better writer so I've been looking for tough critique online (because friends, even good ones, often will not) so any help at all is very much appreciated.




I get
Addicted
To her
Novocaine
Moments,
The times where
She makes
Everything
Quiet.
She lights fires
In places I can’t
See,
Burns tattoo-like
Days into my palms
So I’ll never forget.
And I won’t.

Take my hand
And
I’ll swallow you
Like an angry
God-
A distant
God-
One
I can’t find
Myself
Believing in.

Then,
Tap into my
Soul
Like a maple tree,
It bleeds out
Memories
And heartbreak
Hopefulness,
Like this time
It will be
Different.

No two
Loves
Are the same,
Or even
Comparable-
I’d say I love you now
For who you are
Currently,
Just as some don’t love
Anymore
For who I have
Become.
But,
I’d say,
I love you
Wholeheartedly.

I’d say,
Take this kiss-
It’ll be different tomorrow,
Or even today,
In the late afternoon-
But
Just like how vines grow
Together up poles
I’d say I want to grow
With you,
Together,
Entwined like vines
Or wires
Or cotton fibers-
I just know that
Things do grow
Apart,
Too.

I’d say,
You burn brighter.
But fuses burn bright
When they burst
And I’m more wary now
Than ever
About love that feels like
Fire,
About a touch that burns
Deeper
Than cooling charcoal
Embers-
I want
Something
That feels like peace
Or serenity
Or maybe
Just a quiet spot
Somewhere
Away from all these
People,
My thoughts.

I deal in
Somedays,
Which is to say
That I dream of a
Love to be,
Which is to say
That I love the idea
Of tomorrow
More than living today,
Or remembering
Yesterday
And if I remember
Any of this,
Of you and I,
It’s because you are
Something
I never wanted to
Forget.
4/25/2017 9:18:21 PM
Topic:
A Call Not Taken

Joseph Soper
Posts: 4
You are probably right, I do tend to use punctuation in most of my stuff. Force of habit I guess.. Thanks for the constructive feedback, will take it into consideration
4/25/2017 6:58:50 PM
Topic:
Still Swinging

Graphite Drug
Posts: 76
Still Swinging

After chewing shoe leather they called steak,
in the Pencey cafeteria,
Mal, Ackley, and I enjoyed a winter afternoon on campus,
on the bus, and in a restaurant.
We walked across a puffy white quilt
as students conversed, laughed, and threw snowballs.
I held my snowball until the bus driver told me to leave it outside.
We had intended to see a comedy with Cary Grant,
but Mal and Ackley had already seen it.
We hung out in the restaurant played pinball and ate burgers.

Arriving back at our dorms at a quarter to nine,
Mel left for a bridge game
and Ackley shoved his acne ridden face into my pillow
until I told him I had a paper to write.

I couldn’t write what Stradlater wanted.
I couldn’t describe any rooms without elaborate furniture.
I couldn’t describe sporty rooms
with trophies on dressers and pennants on walls.
My brother Allie played baseball.
He wrote poetry on his catcher’s mitt with a green pen.
He stood in right field and recited verse from his imagination,
in his mind.

He died from leukemia very young.
I fell into a depression,
a garage,
a gym with windows to punch out.
I broke my hands against our station wagon’s windows.
I cannot make a tight fist.
I curl my fingers enough to type excerpts of Allie’s poetry
for a paper that will never be appreciated.

My red headed brother Allie,
such a good natured kid,
he had a good combination of extrovert and introvert,
avoiding anger.
Sitting on his bike fifty yards away
with his hair shining in the sun
as I teed off,
hoping to make a distant green and shoot under par.
Mom had scored a hole in one with him.
I still try to overcome unidentified handicaps
on a hazardous course.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are intrigued by this work read and review G. D. Master’s book, “Interpretations,” free in PDF format on SmashWords.com. Simply enter “gd master” or “interpretations” in the search bar of SmashWords to find it.
4/25/2017 6:51:29 PM
Topic:
citrus cavatina.

Graphite Drug
Posts: 76
An interesting piece, it seems technically lacking for the complex dialogue taking place. Usually stuff like this can be childish and angst ridden, but I like what's going on here. I would work with it and try to make it clearer. Try using capitals and not starting sentences with prepositions and articles.
4/25/2017 6:38:33 PM
Topic:
The Girl of My Dreams

Graphite Drug
Posts: 76
Some very simple things to do: lose the word "that" in the second line; line 12, change to "I should never have been a paramedic." This is simple stuff that shouldn't be worried about. If you have poetic friends you swap stuff with they'll help you with these things. I like this poem. I'm guessing its an identity piece. Well done.
4/25/2017 6:27:42 PM
Topic:
A Call Not Taken

Graphite Drug
Posts: 76
Seems to be a narrative poem, a story, but you are using sentence fragments. Try writing without punctuation and concentrate less on meter and more on details.
4/25/2017 4:13:22 PM
Topic:
A Poet's Lament!

Wayne Kingston
Posts: 2
With all due respect, the premise here seems to channel all "good" poetry to form and meter and rhyme and rhythm within strictly defined historical elements. The writers of particular eras wrote within the norms of their day. Step back a bit and apply perspective. Agreed there is crap being written as contemporary poesy but, in fact, crappy poetry is still poetry. New poets need to read read read and dissect previous works. Digest fundamental elements, then take flight with their muse as they deem fit. Contemporary work is no less poetry than, say, Wordsworth or Homer or John Donne. Sign me: constantly amazed at the potential power, breadth, beauty, and intimacy of ALL poesy.
4/25/2017 12:45:40 AM
Topic:
INTRO

Joseph Soper
Posts: 4
Just a few words about me... First off let me say I am not not nor do I have any intention of being a professional writer. I write for fun and enjoy the challenge of the written word. I do not stay true to any particular format as each has it's merits and I like to explore different forms to challenge myself. Although I am fond of the Haiku and Senyru, there is a real challenge to emote great detail in so few words/syllables. I will go back and make adjustments to previous works as sometimes distance provides clarity. I enjoy reading other people's work here and they have provided me with a little inspiration as well. I really started writing about 8 years ago and was pretty active with it for a while. It has been a couple years since I have written anything but am beginning to get the bug back. I tend to lean towards a little humor in my poetry, I'm a bit of a prankster so cant help myself. I hope I'm able to convey some thought and emotion invoking imagery in my works and that if nothing else can make someone smile.
edited by ZipperWoody on 4/25/2017
4/24/2017 10:44:12 PM
Topic:
Any one tell if this is ok ?

Joseph Soper
Posts: 4
A very good effort but just a couple of suggestions for you... in the 4th line you might change from "know" to "knew" as everything else s in the past tense until you reach the latter stages of the poem. Personally I would stay away from urban slang like "shall'nt" and the old school words like thou and thy; it makes it feel you are trying too hard. IN the last stanza "Thy will be mine" does not make sense. Thy is a possessive word "thy mother and thy father" kind of like saying your or mine. I think simply replacing with "you" would sort it out.

Overall the poem is an enjoyable read.
4/24/2017 10:19:43 PM
Topic:
A Call Not Taken

Joseph Soper
Posts: 4
I originally wrote this several years ago, have made a few tweaks here and there but still not quite sure.... any help would be greatly appreciated.


The ringing of phone awakes,
Out of slumber and causes shakes.
To the hand that finds it in dark,
And the ear where it finds it’s mark.

Eerie silence from other end,
And then at once it all begins…
Terror screams across the line
From victim of a heinous crime.

Begging, pleading emitting
From the speaker without quitting.
The cries forever seem to last
And hold the listener aghast.

Dark visions dance in back of mind
Of rape and murder, nothing kind;
Of knives and guns and chilling thoughts
And ugly acts that man has wrought.

Awareness hits and speak he tries;
But is not heard above the cries
Of accosted caller who in fright
Keeps on yelling with all her might.

Cries now fainter as if dragged away,
And now with earnest begins to pray
The man whose voice could not be heard
To unknown victim who has said no word.

Wanting to assist, but not knowing how;
A furrow of helplessness creases his brow.
Her name or place he did not know
Only that he could hear the blows.

He cringed and winced at every sound,
But hoped that some clue could be found
In the background of the chaotic hell;
That abuser would give up a tell

To indicate where they might be.
But nothing came, except for pleas
For life and mercy were the cries
From weakened lips with crimson tides.

As quiet came he sat perplexed.
Thenstrange voice boomed and said “Your Next”!!
In fear and panic he tried to shout,
Muted silence was all that fell out.

Then from his dream he awakened,
Drenched in sweat and terribly shaken,
To ringing phone in dead of night
A silent caller, un-nerving fright….
edited by ZipperWoody on 4/24/2017
4/24/2017 7:57:48 PM
Topic:
A Letter to Time

W... Truth
Posts: 2
A letter to Time



Time, this letter is to you, an area of contention
but first there are some things I need to mention
and I also need your standpoint on a specific question
before I hear anymore tick's and tock's,
Like did you begin when the Aztec's carved dials into the rocks,
Or when the Navy long ago created intricate yet extraordinary clocks?

You've outlasted the multitudes and have
what I've heard a power to heal,
If what I hear is to be true then that same power
for all of our sakes wouldn't it command
or direct you to stay completely still.

I just don't know I think that just like us you posses the power to kill,
but unlike us and the fact that who
I'm writing to will never read this letter
I've come to reality and say sorry for I forgot you are not real.

But I could be wrong and if I am then you must have a favorite tune,
and is it a sound or maybe a song sung by Eve ?
or in this time here and now this I really ponder " Isn't she lovely"
maybe a song by Stevie Wonder?

I Have to tell you only for clarity this next part I did dread,
I asked a random woman and a random man if they had a
question for time what would it be the woman would ask for
more of you and moreover the man turned to me and said,

More patience for it and time walk hand and hand,
sort of like both parts of an hour glass fused together
so as I lay my head in my hand,
and realize the real question of this endeavor,
My question to you is if so
do we represent the Dust or Sand and
like you
really last forever?

W
4/24/2017 7:50:14 PM
Topic:
A letter to all Women from all Men

W... Truth
Posts: 2
Letter to All Women From All Men

Now this is very tricky and difficult because I'm also going
to speak for those males that don't know nor will they
ever know that they also represent men as a whole,
and for that we men are sorry and their actions do effect
"Manhood" in its entirety every man and just like our
inheritance from Adam we as men must pay an obvious
everlasting and ever rising toll.

While so not true right ? So it seems,
just bear with me as I explain a day
in the life of the man of your dreams,

Your attracted to him and he's handsome but a man's man
non the less, he works hard for what he wants and for his
other half in search of or in finding he knows would be
Love and Life at its best.

First it's a challenge to even be kind to you without being deemed
and while showing no sign of insincerity insincere,
and yes we are human so it's extremely hard sometimes to
understand what exactly you are thinking or doing
so please be clear.
But after much thought could it , might it, may it really be true ?,
that this day alone maybe 50 men already graced your ear and
at this point you could care less what I say or do ?

So erase your pain and ease your mind for this man please because
he's wondering if there's intellect accompanying what he see's immense
beauty and if so try and keep you near and if you do leave him your number,
was their even time to see him for him and sense the connection and not
assume another blunder, defined as a stupid mistake, because in my mind
at that point walk away with the sincere remnant of seeing something
hollow or fake.

That is if I'm sincere and not superficial and go off looks,
but require depth not necessarily that of books, but you express from
something deep down inside not the cranny's or nook's but the real not topical
you now let's take my description deeper for something better and realer and
not social media or dating site view.

But keep in mind I'm representing man and so will try and keep this short,
and through so many things like Love, happiness, pain, loneliness,
relationships, and age to choose the right words and keep
it simple I must sort.

If the beauty and intellect match and before we later declare Love and
together the world we will finally catch, we will tell each other our secrets
in getting to know each other and hopefully earn the elusive sentiment or
quality trust and hopefully match.

We think it's not visible but yet it's so clear, while we all wear the hurt and pain
from past relationships like in the eyes you can see despair and in the actions
and mind from the heart comes forth fear.

Are we supposed to just not try because trying too hard makes us look weak,
or is it a matter of us not thinking but knowing your wrong and that this man you've
hoped for ,for so long and now he's hereto never be scared or hide and no longer
wants to seek.

A real man wants a real woman and we will both come with flaw's and all,
the saying's it will never be easy no one said it would be and never run, depart
or sleep angry, but make it clear who you are ,where you stand and what you want
then don't flee but stand tall and you will succeed with no maybe.

Here's the difference as a man he will accept or coward and not being a real man
say something forgetful and just walk away, so women you know about the real man
and what he goes through regarding a woman he's into on any given day,
and let it be clear that the number one destroyer "communication" or lack their of does not
have to rule anymore but be upfront and open and may it begin for both parties finally
how about next month no rain it's perfect May.

Now I hope this makes sense for it's simply original thought to Women from the depths of
a Man's heart and mind it's now been written and not in the sand, for it has already been
written that no matter what hurt or faults we carry between us our faults can not stop
Gods plan.
edited by W... Truth on 4/24/2017
edited by W... Truth on 4/24/2017
edited by W... Truth on 4/24/2017
4/24/2017 8:10:51 AM
Topic:
A Poet's Lament!

Paulette Calasibetta
Posts: 2
AMEN!
4/24/2017 8:10:32 AM
Topic:
A Poet's Lament!

Paulette Calasibetta
Posts: 2
Robert Lindley wrote:
Keith Trestrail wrote:
I am discouraged at what passes for poetry these days. Poetry is not just an extension of our everyday speech on the written page; it's something far more. It is not just a series of cliches and random banal observations loosely tied together by a lazy weave of grammar and punctuation by writers unexposed to the nuances of the art form. Where is the clever use of language and literary device, and where is the rhythmic and aesthetic qualities that we read about in school from the pens (quills) of Shakespeare, Keats, Longfellow, Tennyson etc? I understand that language and styles evolve but I also understand that great poetry is timeless! When I read modern poets like Dylan Thomas or Eliot or Cummings or Plath or Hughes or, God forbid, the Beat Poets I just want to slit my wrists! Pretentious self-indulgence. Okay, not all of it but most of it. A lot of their work reads like it was written by a disinterested 7th grader! Not since Kipling and Oscar Wilde has their been a truly great poet. When I read some of the poems that win contests on this website I'm dumbstruck! Either I'm totally out of touch or I know nothing about the art of poetry. Which is it? Certainly, in my view, the golden age of poetry is well behind us. Would be interested to read your thoughts!
edited by Keith Trestrail on 8/21/2014
edited by Keith Trestrail on 9/2/2014


I make no claim to greatness in poetry but you are dead on the mark,IMHO.
MODERN POETRY BY AND LARGE IS BUT A PALE IMITATION OF THE GOLDEN ERA AND LEGENDARY POETS THAT GAVE US THE CLASSICS, AND BY WAY OF THEIR WORKS-- SENT US ON OUR JOURNEYS.
That is --if we are real poets, striving to write real poetry..
I am sad when I see shallow and uninspiring poems written as deliberate plastic copies of a classic greats.
Best to use ones favorite poets as learning guides, instead of gods to mimic.
4/24/2017 7:08:31 AM
Topic:
Need Poem Assistance

AbdulAzim
Posts: 1
Hello Guys, I want to ask something about my poem tasks. I am students and I prepare the many poems projects. I don't have abilities and also skills so please tell me any experts or professional assignment writing companies who can provide the best assistance for my poems tasks.
4/24/2017 2:10:36 AM
Topic:
Links to lost poems

Rainbow Promise
Posts: 53
links...

http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/all_this_must_melt_in_your_mouth_721976

link...

http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/stolen_moments_721958

link...

http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/a_romantic_story_721535

link...

http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/an_unforgettable_evening_715501


link...

http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/death_of_a_youth_719655

link...

http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/dinner_for_two_715454


These are some that can't open
4/24/2017 1:30:34 AM
Topic:
The link for poems reported missing

Rainbow Promise
Posts: 53
These were mostly Contest poems. How do persons get on to ones secured page?
4/24/2017 1:28:03 AM
Topic:
The link for poems reported missing

Rainbow Promise
Posts: 53
I couldn't find my poems, but browsing through my emails from notices that poems were commented on, I found them, but the inks open up to blank ages: e.g.

Your Poem An Unforgettable Evening has received a comment on PoetrySoup.

You can view the comment at your Comment's Inbox in the Members Area of PoetrySoup, or by following this link...

http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/an_unforgettable_evening_715501

PoetrySoup.

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This was done for over eight poems!!!
4/21/2017 12:47:03 PM
Topic:
A Thrilling Blast

Doug Vinson
Posts: 102
This one loses me right away. "I have a box and that’s for a fact-from which an act is being lead.""Lead"? Being led, or being read?
4/21/2017 12:38:28 PM
Topic:
The Girl of My Dreams

Doug Vinson
Posts: 102
Sarah, I like it. Somewhat mysterious, reflective of the sorrows that can be. Not much criticism from me - I see very little to comment on. "I cant breath" - I'd go ahead and stick the apostrophe in there. For many readers, the lack of it will be noticeable, at least slightly breaking the poem's rhythm. The line: "The doctors gave me a pill to make her go away" - I like this a lot. It could mean more than one thing.




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