9/23/2017 12:17:33 AM
Topic:
The Dream
key Keller
Posts: 15
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I wrote this a few nights ago. Any feedback anyone is willing to give would be much appreciated. Thanks.
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9/23/2017 12:15:00 AM
Topic:
The Dream
key Keller
Posts: 15
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I awoke in darkness from what was partly a dream
Ripped from the void in the midst of a scream
3:00 am.
Hesitant, to remember the place I had been
My mind would choose for me
In this world, I was not dead nor alive
Just the feeling of loss from a place deep inside
There was a man, on a road, walking my way
tall and slim, hair peppered with gray
a dapper, distinguished, sorted type gent
He moved like a time piece as he came by and went
Smiling, but nothing to say, not to me
Was I just a ghost; was he?
As I turned back to look for him
He disappeared out of view
I could not help feeling he was someone I knew
Someone I once loved, or maybe, someone who loved me?
Someone I was or wanted to be?
I couldn’t say
I just know, he walked away
With nothing to say; not to me
I continued to walk down the desolate road
I began to think about seeds that I sowed
The sin, the fears, the love, the tears
What of it all would come to be?
I did not know
I could not see
For days I walked, then months, then years
Then time became a forgotten thing
My bones would break, just to heal from within
I would turn to dust and reform again
Ground into the ground; by my sin
Again, and again, and again
The pain was just a cruel joke to make me think I was alive
I wished for death, with every breath
But still, I survived
To walk down the desolate road
I walked, and I walked
How I longed to see my gray haired friend
I dreamed, given a chance, I would extend my hand
But that was just a dream
that would never come again
there was only pain, no beginning, no end
I awoke in the dark
3:00 am
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9/22/2017 4:38:21 PM
Topic:
New at this...need some feedback on my haiku! :)
Martine Lincifort
Posts: 1
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Daydreaming
my reality
brightened by thoughts of eden
just a delusion.
lost in reverie
losing real concentration
only just a dream.
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9/22/2017 12:29:39 PM
Topic:
Corection
Jakov Asl
Posts: 5
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helloou..
Pliz if i dont read wrong sorry,
Have a problem thet i cant translate the poems thet i post
if some of u have 20 mints of time extra plez just corect it in normal eng(normally thet the poem remains the same)
thanx  )
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9/22/2017 12:22:43 PM
Topic:
Sugestions
Jakov Asl
Posts: 5
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Hi
When u have some time if u can take a look at my poems
and give some advice
Sorry for the spelling (not an eng teacher :P)
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9/22/2017 5:07:41 AM
Topic:
Introduction Brian Duffield
assignmentwriting
Posts: 1
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Hi am Liz am a writer at assignment writing services an academic writing company.
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9/22/2017 4:43:22 AM
Topic:
Wavedance..Id love your feedback
Lorna Caizley
Posts: 6
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Thanks for your feedback, The poem is about emotion, how it comes in waves, it erodes us down, the numbness as we watch the dark horizon, to finally let the tears fall and find release. This is what I was hoping to construe.
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9/22/2017 12:19:05 AM
Topic:
Don't ask for critique
Darren White
Posts: 17
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No, you rewrite it here, but PLEEEAAASSSEEE don't ask fro critique in the header Phil 
edited by dWite on 9/22/2017
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9/21/2017 3:37:59 PM
Topic:
Glad tidings and goodwill
Michelle Degree
Posts: 1
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Hello poets from around the world. I am so thrilled to have found this site. I look forward to sharing poems and reading yours. For the first time ever, I am finally putting my poems and lyrics down on paper. Posting only rough drafts as I find the purity of free thinking a wonderful daily activity. My
Dream is to someday turn some of these poems and lyrics into songs, though I have ZERO training in composing so simple melodies are all I have for now.
Thank you so much for being out there and giving my words a place to rest.
In joy and friendship- michelle
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9/21/2017 3:04:36 PM
Topic:
critisicm needed please
Austin Jefferson
Posts: 1
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It’s all done up and goofy
So you can justify
Wanting a thing universally
Abhorrent ( criminal desire).
Every sentence is the killing of
One’s self, (in Love).
You just wanna make impending
Slights seem better
(less bad) so the marital bed
Doesn’t seem like a prison,
So bumming off a
(****) Buddy isn't heinous.
.-And crying, and kicking,
And screaming do nothing.
Pretty ideas we seem to
Form. Yesterdays faggot is
Today’s prom queen. There is
A sweet and singular form
(Collective American Hatred)
( During is rough but after is
A breeze). It’s sad songs
When you oughta be dour.
(Pop when the sun shines?) It’s
One’s prerogative in death.
It’s garishly tasking to
Wake up from vile moods and
Sing praise. (But we are machines!)
Mortality is mood probably. Disorder
Roots in every truth unfortunately.
As if Humans know right from wrong.
(That’s the fun in rooftops) Life
Is options and oblivion is
**** all else if not opiates
And reality. (Good god, lighter fluid
Sans matches sans mothers). We
Aren’t taught to be maybe.
And all their names are useless
As are pleasantries like condoms
And pillows. Ruminations from rubenesque
Eunuch figures. Depression cures all
If you let it. Talking one’s self
Out of sleep. (Rife with thank yous).
Humans live (Can't know without
Godlessness mind you). Then we all
Race to die because we're obsessed
With next., Which is fine. Grimly we
Hold hands and walk on to impress were
On brand: Hopelessly into ourselves.
But they fall mercilessly. The common
Partisan feeds from it calling it:
Fruit of loin. (Message being the
Beauty never was.) - And at the bottom
It’s holy (And Truly) revealed that
We know nothing. Then it’s fine again.
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9/21/2017 7:53:07 AM
Topic:
English
BlackMen
Posts: 12
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9/21/2017 6:11:00 AM
Topic:
English
BlackMen
Posts: 12
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9/20/2017 6:35:11 PM
Topic:
PLEASE LEAVE CRITIQUE
Ameenah Noor
Posts: 1
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I can't stop drowning
I can't come up for air
I can't swim
It's consuming me
my lungs are burning
I can't get out
but i want to get away from this
go away, please go away
i thought it would be nothing at all
it was supposed to go away
but it didnt
it didnt go away
it followed me
and it haunted me
it became a nightmare
little did i know
it would follow me around
forever and ever
there would be no happy ending
there would be no happily ever after.
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9/20/2017 8:19:56 AM
Topic:
feedback and critique needed :)
Sanja Cokolic
Posts: 6
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Olala you definitely aren't the silent one thank you for the feedback
edited by Christina Addison on 9/20/2017
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9/20/2017 6:08:02 AM
Topic:
High Crimes
key Keller
Posts: 15
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Thank you Jack. I will definitely keep that in mind. I wanted to try something different. I was trying to convey a kind of one sided conversation, leaving the origin ambiguous. I got the idea after seeing a homeless man talk to himself on a park bench. I realize it's not helpful to the reader not knowing the context or inspiration. Again, thanks for the feedback.
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9/20/2017 5:55:41 AM
Topic:
High Crimes
key Keller
Posts: 15
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Thank you NW. Your feedback is greatly appreciated
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9/20/2017 5:33:00 AM
Topic:
Baby steps
Don Mitchell
Posts: 2
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(d/fl)yingsquirrel wrote:
That's exactly how I think of it! I constantly say "my people are online" and similar little jokes- that aren't quite jokes, you know? I've met more incredible, talented people online than my "stranger-danger-OMG!" parents have in their entire lives. I feel completely blessed to have come into contact with so many different humans that I never would have known otherwise.
Small towns upset me. A lot. Before I moved where I am now, I lived in on of the larger counties in my state and I was surrounded by a plethora of people of every demographic- and then I moved into a 98% white, cis, conservative, uber-religious town that regularly makes me want to cry. The internet is my replacement home of diversity, and I adore it.
I agree with you and for me the Internet is a home....
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9/20/2017 4:42:45 AM
Topic:
Advice for a beginner
Michael Hayward
Posts: 1
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U
When the moon starts talking
and the trees start walking
When the fish start barking
and the skies starts drawing
When the rocks starts singing
and the ocean starts leaking
When the mountains start crying
and the sun starts lying
That's when Ill stop loving
U
edited by Veldmarskalk on 9/20/2017
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9/20/2017 2:22:55 AM
Topic:
mom's birthday in heaven
Rosemary Musselman
Posts: 1
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Looking for a short unique poem for mom's birthday in heaven this Friday 9/22/17
thank you!!
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9/19/2017 9:56:56 PM
Topic:
Please Critique Mine - Id really appreciate it
Jessica Jones
Posts: 5
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Love the wordplay and the adjectives you used! This is really wonderful! I do hope you continue writing amazing pieces like this one! Also if you'd like to give feedback or critique on mine that would help me out a bunch!!
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