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Community Soup Bowl
Introductions
New to PoetrySoup? Introduce yourself here. Tell us something about yourself.
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969
Latest post
2/26/2017 7:11 PM - J. Amorose
How do I...?
Ask PoetrySoup Members how to do something or find something on PoetrySoup.
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244
Latest post
2/25/2017 10:51 PM - Doug Vinson
PoetrySoup Notes
Info and comments from the PoetrySoup Team.
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2
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2/24/2017 6:08 PM - Doug Vinson
Collaboration
Collaborate on a poem or external project.
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8
Latest post
2/24/2017 6:10 PM - Doug Vinson
Poetry Critique
Be Gentle
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
Threads
283
Latest post
2/26/2017 8:16 PM - david jones
High Critique
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
Threads
885
Latest post
2/27/2017 3:12 AM - Joey Oliva
Poem Editing and Help
Do you need help editing a poem? Maybe English isn't your first language. Post poems or request help with a poem or english here.
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7
Latest post
2/24/2017 6:49 PM - Doug Vinson
Poetry Talk
Writing Poetry
Ways to improve your poetry. Post your techniques, tips, and creative ideas how to write better.
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68
Latest post
2/22/2017 10:55 PM - Brenda Chiri-Carroll
Poetry Everything
Discuss your favorite poems, poets, and poetry books - analysis, ideas, hidden meanings, random thoughts, etc.
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72
Latest post
2/22/2017 12:34 AM - david jones
Looking for a Poem
Can't find a poem you've heard once? Looking for a poem for a special person or an occasion? Ask other member for help.
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23
Latest post
2/26/2017 7:20 PM - aunna jones
Outside the Bowl
Post information about other useful poetry related websites and contests. Also report poetry scams.
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45
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2/26/2017 5:45 AM - connie pachecho
Non-Poetry Talk
Love and Romance
Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Seeking relationship advice, romantic ideas or just want to express your feeling - Post Here!
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28
Latest post
11/27/2016 4:13 PM - Keith Teaser
Fun and humor
Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Everything to make us smile - anecdotes, stories, fun things to do, etc. But NOT Poetry.
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43
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12/26/2016 10:19 AM - Bruce Adams
I just need to talk...
Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Talk about anything or need a shoulder to cry on? Share your thoughts and emotions here:
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95
Latest post
2/24/2017 11:40 AM - gerard quain
Publishing
Publishers
Know of any good publishers? Tell us about them here.
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13
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9/7/2016 1:03 PM - Sharon Gulley
How to...
Have you published a book. Tell others how you did it.
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7
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9/1/2016 8:14 PM - Gail Lewis
Self-Publishing
How do I do it myself?
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5
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2/3/2017 7:41 PM - Kenneth R. Jenkins
My Book(s)
Are you a published poet? If so, tell us about your book.
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6
Latest post


What's going on
Forum users online 3   Forum members online 0   Forum guests 3

Threads 2803   Posts 5464   Forum members 40577


Recent posts
2/27/2017 3:12:42 AM
Topic:
49th Street

Joey Oliva
Posts: 3
Thanks for the kind words Doug. I am pleased with the imagery that I came up with.


Doug Vinson wrote:
Wow, Joey - well done! I think you set out to do and say something here, and that you succeeded. I like your comparisons, images, etc. Hard for me to give any criticism at all.



"One can taste the shine of new in the plastic bags of insatiable consumers. " --Great line, and if anything I encourage you to be "poetic" like this. "Taste the shine of new." Cheers!
2/26/2017 8:16:30 PM
Topic:
A mistake

david jones
Posts: 4
Okay Quatrain, I will fiddle with that.



Thanks!
2/26/2017 7:59:09 PM
Topic:
A mistake

J. Amorose
Posts: 10
Not really. The length doesn't matter.

I'd call it a quatrain based on what I see.
2/26/2017 7:33:09 PM
Topic:
A mistake

david jones
Posts: 4
Thank you for the positive words!



What is it do you think? I'm not that familiar with the different forms so I'm not sure what you'd call it.



I was thinking I could make it 8-8-8-8




I like really short things, I am more of a haiku person really. Does it matter?
edited by Soothsayerman on 2/26/2017
2/26/2017 7:20:54 PM
Topic:
Looking for collab with the lyric writer

aunna jones
Posts: 6
still looking?
2/26/2017 7:11:45 PM
Topic:
Newbie or not newbie? That is the question.

J. Amorose
Posts: 10
The community nest, eh?

I was active before, but am getting active again. A good tip - join the poetry contests. That way, people will see your work, especially if you place.
2/26/2017 7:09:18 PM
Topic:
The Navy Pilot's Lover

J. Amorose
Posts: 10
Eh? I don't understand. You have to have some filler words in there. Otherwise it sounds like a Harvard professor. Could you tell me anything else?
2/26/2017 7:07:35 PM
Topic:
A mistake

J. Amorose
Posts: 10
Wow. It's a great stand-alone, but I think it would work better as a refrain in a longer poem. That said, the language... Vividly vivacious. Good job.
2/26/2017 5:11:36 PM
Topic:
A mistake

david jones
Posts: 4
Consternation, creeping weeping
Chills my bones, ever breaking
Heart goes still, brain is shrieking
Underground, waking quaking
2/26/2017 9:48:36 AM
Topic:
The Navy Pilot's Lover

Bob Atkinson
Posts: 205
bluebunn84ppg wrote:
Sitting on the rooftop, wavy hair billowing

In THE wicked wind, fluttering away like herself

She clasps to her neck THE silvery heart-locket

Before looking down from her shady alcove

She has no more time to waste, and, deciding a decided decision,

Tumbles through THE sky...

_




When she WAS younger, she always looked to THE sky

A source of inspiration, like THE flags billowing

Patriotic she WAS for countries not hers, patriotic her decision

To go to THE celebration of another land, THAT day of herself

There, inTHE shadows, she found an alcove

In THE young boy who later gave her THE heart-locket.




THE boy, while certainly not a looker, was perfect for her, like THE heart-locket

THE reckless one, always wanting to fly for his country, a Navy pilot, up in THE sky

And maybe THAT'S why she chose him as THE perfect alcove

For when premature death sealed his lips, only THE flag knew her story, billowing

ITS tragic tale into THE world, mixing with THE song of herself

THAT only she knew. THAT, at least, WAS her decision.




Despite THE many voices, she made her own decision

And visited his coffin THE day of his funeral, THE heart-locket

Reflecting THE pilot's face for THE final time, he dropped out of THE sky.

Had no reason to die. They found the body. A miracle for her and only herself.

The grey tombstone where she lived, the flag he died for above their heads, billowing,

Etched with his name in THE color of death. Her alcove...

_

THE funeral procession proceeds, though they all try to crack smiles. They visit her alcove,

THE gravestone of a young boy so foolish to die. But really IT was his decision.

THE ominous flag like her hair that fateful night, billowing

With another life captured, preserved only in THE heart-locket

Capturing THE essence of what IT meant for them to fly. THE ground and THE sky

Still encircling her neck,IT sang her song, unsung except in THE darkest nights, for herself.




Now there IS no such thing as herself,

Only her cadaver, lying in ITS plot next to his, in THE final alcove

She found before falling from THE SKY.

Just like him,THAT young boy, his eyes sparkling with his dream and his decision

To fly above THE waves with her and THE glitter of her heart-locket,

THE flag he served forever in THE air, billowing.




“Still capturing THE essence of THE SKY, her waves of hair billowing

Remind us that she IS lost forever. She could not live for herself, and her final decision

Reflects THE alcove of THE gravestones and THE spark in THE heart-locket.”
edited by bluebunn84ppg on 2/25/2017
edited by bluebunn84ppg on 2/25/2017


CAPPED MISTAKES

Regards, Bob Atkinson

Google: poetry critic
edited by Bob_Atkinson on 2/26/2017
2/26/2017 8:28:04 AM
Topic:
Newbie or not newbie? That is the question.

Daniel Handschuh
Posts: 1
Hullo, folks. I come from a dying app that's been absent of its creator for so long that the app has had no one to promote it for several months now. My works only would average up to five reads, maybe one comment and rating if lucky. Coming here as a newbie a couple days ago, I was amazed to see the first poem I posted has gotten over twenty reads, and my third poem received a comment from one of the higher-end users here. I'm growing to really like it here.
2/26/2017 7:41:52 AM
Topic:
The Navy Pilot's Lover

J. Amorose
Posts: 10
Can anyone critique this?
2/26/2017 5:45:24 AM
Topic:
Looking for other sites similar. Any suggestions?

connie pachecho
Posts: 2
ive been looking at hello poetry. it seems like a bigger pond than this, poets are getting a lot more views, likes,followers. the quality of poems seems a lot better there. the only prob. its by invite only. i think a aspiring poet would find a bigger audience stimulating, which in return evokes better work. what im seeing here even the good poets are getting dismal views. where some of the poets over there really good readership and followers. gramer caresless.
2/25/2017 10:51:18 PM
Topic:
Thank You!

Doug Vinson
Posts: 65
Greg, that's great. Cool It's a good website.
2/25/2017 7:43:16 PM
Topic:
The Navy Pilot's Lover

J. Amorose
Posts: 10
I'm looking for constructive criticism, but not too harsh.
2/25/2017 7:10:50 PM
Topic:
Thank You!

J. Amorose
Posts: 10
Hey, three contests, two placings... Better than my record.
And I think one reason that everyone's so kind here is that the community is so tight-knit. It's honestly like Six Degrees of Andrea Dietrich... XD
Thanks for reading my poetry! And anytime for the compliments. I've read the winner... Wow, great job! Can't compete with that.

Remember to write. ~Blue
2/25/2017 5:43:31 PM
Topic:
Thank You!

Greg Barden
Posts: 13
bluebunn84ppg wrote:
You got a first-placer on your first contest?
I've entered so many and my best was 2nd...

No hard feelings, though. I wish you luck in your next contest. Remember to write. ~Blue


Thank you so much JA - I entered two other contests but got #2 on one, and didn't even place in another - this is my first #1 ... I'm honored that ANYone would even stop to read one of my poems, so it's all good, and anything beyond that is icing on the cake. This is such a nurturing place for new poets and "vets" alike, and I am humbled by the good folks here and how kind you've all been to me. The quality and character of work here is astounding, yours included, and I am so thankful to be learning in this wonderful community! Blessings to you!
edited by Bahku on 2/25/2017
edited by Bahku on 2/25/2017
2/25/2017 2:13:09 PM
Topic:
Thank You!

J. Amorose
Posts: 10
You got a first-placer on your first contest?
I've entered so many and my best was 2nd...

No hard feelings, though. I wish you luck in your next contest. Remember to write. ~Blue
2/25/2017 2:02:20 PM
Topic:
The Navy Pilot's Lover

J. Amorose
Posts: 10
I've posted this on the Soup too, I just wanted to see what you forum-ers thought...

Lemme start working the format now, it wonked up.
2/25/2017 2:01:35 PM
Topic:
The Navy Pilot's Lover

J. Amorose
Posts: 10
Sitting on the rooftop, wavy hair billowing

In the wicked wind, fluttering away like herself

She clasps to her neck the silvery heart-locket

Before looking down from her shady alcove

She has no more time to waste, and, deciding a decided decision,

Tumbles through the sky...

_




When she was younger, she always looked to the sky

A source of inspiration, like the flags billowing

Patriotic she was for countries not hers, patriotic her decision

To go to the celebration of another land, that day of herself

There, in the shadows, she found an alcove

In the young boy who later gave her the heart-locket.




The boy, while certainly not a looker, was perfect for her, like the heart-locket

The reckless one, always wanting to fly for his country, a Navy pilot, up in the sky

And maybe that's why she chose him as the perfect alcove

For when premature death sealed his lips, only the flag knew her story, billowing

Its tragic tale into the world, mixing with the song of herself

That only she knew. That, at least, was her decision.




Despite the many voices, she made her own decision

And visited his coffin the day of his funeral, the heart-locket

Reflecting the pilot's face for the final time, he dropped out of the sky.

Had no reason to die. They found the body. A miracle for her and only herself.

The grey tombstone where she lived, the flag he died for above their heads, billowing,

Etched with his name in the color of death. Her alcove...

_

The funeral procession proceeds, though they all try to crack smiles. They visit her alcove,

The gravestone of a young boy so foolish to die. But really it was his decision.

The ominous flag like her hair that fateful night, billowing

With another life captured, preserved only in the heart-locket

Capturing the essence of what it meant for them to fly. The ground and the sky

Still encircling her neck, it sang her song, unsung except in the darkest nights, for herself.




Now there is no such thing as herself,

Only her cadaver, lying in its plot next to his, in the final alcove

She found before falling from the sky.

Just like him, that young boy, his eyes sparkling with his dream and his decision

To fly above the waves with her and the glitter of her heart-locket,

The flag he served forever in the air, billowing.




“Still capturing the essence of the sky, her waves of hair billowing

Remind us that she is lost forever. She could not live for herself, and her final decision

Reflects the alcove of the gravestones and the spark in the heart-locket.”
edited by bluebunn84ppg on 2/25/2017
edited by bluebunn84ppg on 2/25/2017




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