2/25/2020 6:29:08 AM
Topic:
Workin' Is For Chumps!
Bright brides
Posts: 1
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Good!
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2/24/2020 4:47:18 AM
Topic:
Has anyone else had poetry deleted by PoetrySoup?
Realmailorder bride
Posts: 1
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Good!
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2/22/2020 9:41:19 AM
Topic:
It Happened Again
AcerSaccharum
Posts: 2
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Thank you for your critique and suggestions! I shall take advantage of them when editing this poem. I appreciate it very much!
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2/21/2020 11:52:23 AM
Topic:
how do I post my poems?
Kathryn Sweeney
Posts: 1
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How do you post a poem?
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2/21/2020 9:56:23 AM
Topic:
COULD SOMEONE CORRECT IT AS I'M NEW IN EN POEM
Hookup guru
Posts: 1
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Good
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2/20/2020 10:54:56 PM
Topic:
It Happened Again
Jack Webster
Posts: 215
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I love its uncontrived depth. I imagine you are a devotee of sonnets as your volta is very strong even in free verse.
I recently heard a talk by a Buddhist teacher distinguishing the difference between excitement and happiness. Your poem was really such a strong illustration of that; the fact that excitement is built on impermenant things that jazz us up in the moment, but dont really give us a sense of purpose or a feeling of fulfillment the way altruism can.
I think the line “years go by” is redundant, because your sensory descriptions of the changes in the face show and imply the passage of time, as does the line about others stopping the weekend ritual.
There is so much truth in this dukkha. I think it would fun to turn it into a journey, a series of poems, embraccing the reality of that dissatisfaction
Sometimes the thought that maybe i havent partied enough or had enough excitement in my life haunts me, so there is actually some comfort for me in this poem, that it might have added some color to my life but that happiness isnt dependent on having it or having had it. Its so easy for our confusions and attachments to torment us, but at the end of the day an open heart is more powerful than where we’ve been or where we think we’re headed.
There’s so much truth in the dukkha expressed in this poem. It would be fun to see it turned into a series of poems, a journey, an exercise in mindfulness of the disatisfaction - not wallowing, just self-journalism, watching, feeling, recording; embracing the disatisfaction by making a space that wants a happiness that is here to stay
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2/20/2020 6:09:21 PM
Topic:
It Happened Again
AcerSaccharum
Posts: 2
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A high school party
Bright colours and backwards hats
Jostling
Circling
Lighting smokes
Around a bon fire
Hidden by silhouettes of trees.
The intoxicating sips are an adventurous feeling.
The girls get loose
And the guys get loud.
Fist fights
And smiles.
The hangover in the morning
Recalls the joyous memories of the night,
And begs for another round.
Every weekend is another blast
More drinks and more girls,
Maybe more drugs.
Years have passed,
The weekend rituals have etched
Tired lines in a sunken pale face.
That goes to work each week
To recover last week’s spent cheque.
And comes home to be
Mundane
Miserable.
Another night with no purpose
Drinking
Escaping
Feeling diseased.
Whether at the bar or dim living room.
Surrounded by a new crowd.
The frequent drinks
Are an exhausting routine.
The wise ones have stopped the weekend ritual
Before their youth drowned out.
Feeling tired and beaten
The hangovers in the mornings
Are a painful reminder.
You did it again,
You haven’t stopped.
Maybe next week.I've been working on a few iambic pentameter poems and wrote this free verse the other day just to give my brain a break. I've combed over it a few times, but looking for more suggestions on what to edit or how to improve.
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2/16/2020 3:08:47 PM
Topic:
Funeral Pyre - HELP!
Alison Hodges
Posts: 6
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I'm trying out a more structured form for my poetry, but I feel it lost it's flow. Please tell me what would make this a better poem.
Funeral Pyre
Living inthe creek’s dark caverns.
his dwelling then had been foretold
by fairytales on nights so cold.
A promise of the things to come
were all that kept the fires fed.
Living in the creek side village,
her place was clear within the clan
to bind her with this darkened man.
to brave his ire and heal his wounds
with love’s laughter and lullabies
Raised from birth to play a lead role.
Her path was clear, her marriage set,
a passive life, a quiet death.
All was foretold when she was young
At village fires and children’s beds
She’d sat awaiting years and years.
Shortly before the marriage day,
a woman came from far away.
Her tale of women taking stands
and shunning the foreteller’s words.
The lady, she was not convinced,
By love she vowed to seize her place
and heal the man with love’s embrace
thus, avoiding the funeral pyre
Dreamers dream, they usually lose.
edited by Ananda on 2/18/2020
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2/16/2020 1:04:59 AM
Topic:
how to make words in bold font
Krish Radhakrishna
Posts: 2
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I use the box below for which allows us to put in notes to highlight the text. Why can’t we use the same box above. Would make life easier
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2/13/2020 9:48:38 PM
Topic:
Please give me feedback
Alison Hodges
Posts: 6
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I'm going back to have another go at it …. at least I'm at the starting line and not 6 yards behind it!
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2/13/2020 9:37:25 PM
Topic:
For your consideration
Alison Hodges
Posts: 6
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Spring Afternoon
The wind among the trees,
the sun behind a cloud.
A peaceful day in my backyard
is where my soul is found.
It may not be too large,
for fences it enclose
but my whole world waits for me there
for worries there run slow.
Leaves in sunlight shimmer,
the cardinal spreads it’s wings,
the day frolics among the leaves,
a garden cricket sings.
Flowers aren’t yet blooming
but summer’s drawing near.
It gently whispers on the wind
right there, beneath my ear.
edited by Ananda on 2/13/2020
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2/13/2020 10:39:27 AM
Topic:
Please give me feedback
Jack Webster
Posts: 215
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Ananda, now,
all searching done,
has only reached the beginning,
yet still a self that finds or fails
leaves all the cycles spinning.
A heap of snow beneath the sky
is still a gathered heap,
even if the sky’s not named
with ordinary speech.
Triumphant self, still yet to melt
and vanish on the wind.
No victor left to find or fail;
Into with the sky reblend.
Ananda, now,
all searching done,
anatta, anatta, anatta.
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2/12/2020 11:05:03 AM
Topic:
Please give me feedback
Alison Hodges
Posts: 6
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The Search
This is what I was born to
Dancing on a whim,
Foraging in the earth,
Tied not by father’s science or mother’s nurture
Bound not by head or by heart, free from all constraints
An earthy fullness, lightened by the earthworm’s macerations
The essence that words cannot hold for more than a moment
That which flickers between the edges and won’t be named
This is where I live
This is where my soul is nourished and my voice is found
Between the quavering
Intermingling with the stars and sky
The mundaneand the holy
A place that man cannot know
Friends canonly sense
That is where I abide
Its essencefeeds me
If I name it
– It vanishes
I simply breathe it in and release its passion with eachbreath
Stirring the spirits of those around me who feel its whisperupon their neck
Ah!
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2/12/2020 7:26:30 AM
Topic:
All That Was Lost
Sam VanHook
Posts: 1
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I'm tired of trying, tired of crying
Deep down inside you knew I've been dying
Im honest with you, I'm not even lying
But my dedication to you was the only thing you're fighting
I loved your face, I loved your laugh
I adored your eyes, how you would look back
Smile, hug, and tell me it's all okay
But suddenly you left me at the end of the day
A final goodbye I hadn't the chance to say
Cause all you were doing was pushing me away
I became your enemy, on you features a snarl
Every single time we talked; a quiet quarrel
I never expected you wanting it this way
Not wanting me to stick around, or to stay
I regret trusting you, I abhor your attitude
Your anger and deception was really quite rude
At the same time, I wanted you to say
Oh, my dear lover, my love towards you isn't a game
I pushed back, I struggled, I raged and I fought
The feelings and emotions and inside that you taught
The tears of misery, the shame on your face
Was all just an act, calling me a waste
I'm sorry I lied, I'm sorry to say goodbye
But all in all, you don't care, so why should I?
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2/12/2020 3:11:49 AM
Topic:
Read my first poem
kurtis Steigmann
Posts: 2
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please read my first poem and give me feedback.
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2/12/2020 3:07:23 AM
Topic:
AM I THE ONLY TEEN ON POETRY SOUP?
kurtis Steigmann
Posts: 2
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No!!!! I am a teen, remember poetry is for anyone who enjoys this beautiful art form.
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2/11/2020 7:42:04 PM
Topic:
Good Evening from Kansas
Alison Hodges
Posts: 6
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Hello fellow poetry lovers! I just joined last week and am excited to let people read my poems. I've been writing since the age of 10, but haven't shown my poetry to anyone after the age of 15. I am 61, so that is a long time to sit and wonder if they are any good.
I'm trying to get my guts up to post to the be kind critic area. The harder criticism area is way too scary for me right now ... may always be LOL
Anyhow … just wanted to introduce myself.
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2/11/2020 2:37:56 AM
Topic:
SCHIZOPHRENIC
Del Lambourne
Posts: 1
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When you say more than three lines what do you mean ?
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2/10/2020 12:48:40 PM
Topic:
The Changing Seasons [Poem]
Skyler Walker
Posts: 3
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Below is a poem I wrote which I'd like others to critique, here it is:
Water trickles down the building in which many people are living.
Sunlight glistens on the glass, I wonder how much there is alas.
Walking down the soaked street, the different people I shall meet.
Seeing sparkles in the sand, they’re so plentiful on this land.
The rain pours down drop by drop, I don’t ever want it to simply stop.
The world is covered in the rain, nothing else here is still the same.
The sun arises yet again, baking the world in it’s golden glint.
The leaves will change color again and again, what a spectacular transition.
Then they all will surely fall, defeated by the breeze and gentle Fall.
The temperature drops below ten, just how much longer until it starts again?
The white cold flakes touch the ground, look at these little white crystals I found!
The world is covered in a white glow, ah the lovely sparkling snow.
The snow melts leaving in its wake, brown trails and such a mess to make!
The sun will rise a day again, the seasons are upon us yet again…
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2/9/2020 6:50:03 PM
Topic:
Trial and error
Leon Stevens
Posts: 5
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I just self published my first book and the first thing that I learned was that writing is the easy part. No matter how much research I did, I could still have done it better. Need advice? Ask me here.
Tip # 1: Write from your heart
Tip #2: There is never too much editing (you will get sick of reading your work) so get help, either paid or using friends.
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