Call Me Punky Punk
Call Me Punky Punk
A riotous comedy punk anthem for the gloriously unhinged
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Intro:
I strut through Walmart like it’s Paris Fashion Week,
Got a mohawk made of ramen and a jacket that squeaks.
My boots are mismatched, my attitude’s loud,
I once got kicked out of church for moshing too proud.
Call me Punky Punk — I’m chaos in a crop top!
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Verse 1:
I eat glitter for breakfast, burp confetti at noon,
My ringtone’s a goat screaming to a polka tune.
I tattooed my toaster, named it “Debbie the Brave,”
And I serenade squirrels from my microwave cave.
I’m the punk who flosses with spaghetti strings,
Wearing leather pants that do not forgive swings.
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Verse 2:
I crashed a yoga class on a unicycle,
Yelled “NAMASTE!” then stole their recycle.
My grandma’s dentures? I bedazzled those too,
She’s now the queen of bingo with a punk rock crew.
I once crowd-surfed at a spelling bee,
Got a standing ovation for spelling “chaos” with a Z.
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Verse 3:
I dated a mime just to hear him scream,
Then dumped him via kazoo in a laser beam.
My dog wears eyeliner, my cat’s got a mohawk,
We host punk brunches where we only speak in squawk.
So if you see me moonwalking through a PTA,
Just salute and shout, “PUNKY PUNK ALL DAY!”
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Chorus:
Call me Punky Punk, I’m a walking disaster,
My fashion’s illegal and my dance moves are faster.
I moonwalk through mayhem, I cartwheel through funk,
If life’s a parade, I’m the confetti chunk.
Call me Punky Punk — I’m the punchline in plaid!
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Bridge:
I once philosophized with a raccoon named Steve,
He said, “Truth is a taco you just gotta believe.”
So I built a shrine out of duct tape and cheese,
And declared myself mayor of rebellious disease.
Existence is weird, and I’m weirder than most,
I toast to the chaos with invisible toast!
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Breakdown:
Drums kick in, crowd goes wild
I pogo’d through jury duty, wore a tutu to court,
My lawyer just wept and said, “Please don’t snort!”
I snorted — with flair — then did jazz hands in cuffs,
The judge gave me bail and a box full of scruffs.
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Crowd Chant (repeat 3x):
P-U-N-K-Y!
PUNKY PUNK 'TIL I DIE!
Glitter bombs and rebel yells,
I make chaos look fly!
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Outro:
So if you’re feeling tame, I’m your worst nightmare,
I’ll glitter your garden and dye your hair.
I’m the punk in your pudding, the scream in your funk,
The legend, the menace — just call me Punky Punk!
Copyright ©
Michael Fulkerson
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