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Who'd Marry Harry

(The marriages of King Henry VIII. Also known as Harry)

Katherine never thought that she
Would end up with Prince Harry
Since she was a child she knew
That Arthur she would marry

But she was widowed very young
When Arthur turned up dead
He hadn’t even had a chance
To take her to his bed

Prince Harry’s heart was taken with
This little Spanish hottie 
He thought “I don’t care that she was
Big brother’s little tottie”

They married and became
The King and Queen,  the country cheering
But they did never have a son
And Katherine started fearing

King Henry’s eyes (and yes, his hands)
We’re sometimes known to wander
No chance for extra loving
Was this young king known to squander

Then Ann Boleyn,  that sexy chick
Gave signs she may be willing
And Henry made it clear that he
Was ready for some thrilling

But Ann soon made it known that
Henry would not get a bedding
Unless the old queen got the boot
And Ann could have a wedding

So Katherine out and Queen Anne in
And Henry’s lust was sated
But it didn’t take too long
Till his love for her abated

And charges (were they true?) were brought
That she indulged in incest
Her head was chopped off. Henry thought
At last. Good riddance, big pest

Now Jane, already in the queue
Was not a raging beauty
But she did well and bore a son
As was her queenly duty

Alas she died, and Henry was
Bereft, with no wife waiting
It didn’t take too long until
His thoughts turned back to mating

But princesses were not too keen
On taking marriage chances
They’d seen the way that things turned out
When Harry made advances

Yet one more Ann was sent for him
He had her portrait painted
But Holborn had deceived the king
His view of her was tainted

He married her, but was not pleased
He couldn’t even take her
Henry wanted to be free
And found a marriage breaker

A deal was struck, annulment made
Ann was no strong resistor
The deal was strange,  I must admit
And she became his sister

Another Katherine came along
A lovely teenage beauty
And Henry took advantage of
His young bride’s widely duty

Sadly Katherine proved too keen
And spread around her passion
Bedding other men like it
Was going out of fashion

Off came her head, and Henry
Now for sure not a good looker
Saw yet another Catherine
And fell in love and took her

But this one, she did pretty well
King Henry, by now dying
Treated Catherine pretty well
Though sometimes he was trying

Now ends the table of Good King Hal 
And those condemned to wed him
Of how it didn’t turn out well
For women who would bed him

He died and all the nation wept
And never a nay sayer
Had the nerve to point out that
Their king had been a player

Copyright © Judy Dunbar

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