ABSORBED
You stepped into my life when I was wondering what love is.
For I knew only one aspect of the feeling, the emotion--
That connected me to me, my body, soul and spirit.
I didn’t venture, for fear that I might lose myself---
In case I fell head --over--heels on someone, a stranger.
And then when I heard your name, something stirred.
In your name I searched you, even when we hadn’t met
For, in the name there was something, I couldn’t tell---
A fantasy, an enigma, maybe, Oh, how I thirsted to see you!
Then one day, I saw you, as the morning touched me.
My feet turning towards you, seeing you smile
at me, from a distance, with a look of knowing.
I wondered why you were even smiling when
I didn’t even know you, or your name? Or did I?
What transpired in the next few hours is snowflake.
From then on my eyes searched you, every day, every moment.
On the window sill of your room, in the cafeteria, on the terrace
By the road, by the corridor, by the stairs---- your smile bathed me.
A spirit so charming, sequined with a glow of wisdom
You enchanted me, with a kind of deliberation that
Left me fire the emotion within, burn anew.
Those were the days of youth, of freedom, of pain.
As you made yourself seen and made me feel wanted
I felt the enigma of this emotion flower, like a bud.
Days turned into years, and our spaces grew.
As I tired myself through my flaws, unaware
That you were waiting, wanting, me, my touch.
But I chose to stay away, lest I fell head -over-heels.
Let the fear burn, absorb me with a longing--
With the veracity, that might afflict pain, throughout.
I remained aloof, wanting you, your companionship
Took solace in your gifts, contentment in motherhood.
The feeling still left burns as I waited, for a call.
Over the years when we met, I could see through your lens
What you liked, wanted, desired, respected, ignored.
I could sense the lack of the longing I felt for you.
I knew that we hadn’t failed each other after all.
That we knew what we wanted and never ignored---
Our preferences, our calling, our frequencies.
Yet I often ask myself why I couldn’t be the me?
Be the voice of the emotion that screamed within--
Surrendered to Fear’s Tyranny when I shouldn’t have?
Then slowly from the inner recesses, a voice expands
Reveals to me the answer, in the manifestation of thought
‘I love you, have always, and will’, and now I know.
Copyright ©
Aparajita Bhattacharjee
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