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Why?
why
why do I need to keep earning your trust
when you don't trust me?
why do i keep hiding myself from you
when you can't accept me
all i want is to be comfortable in my own skin
do my own thing
the words you say? my heart is crushed.
the urge to be free, the need to be free
free from your autocratic rule
free from you being unjustifiably cruel
i am your kin
and where no child should ever be, i have been
the treacherous no's to my pleads for therapy
for my intrusive thoughts all i wanted was a remedy
your disbelief in my predicaments
it feels like my feet are stuck in a pit of cement
my arms flailing, hoping to hold on to something,
when the realisation that i'm failing occurs,
anxiety seeps into my skin like water into cloth
the line between reality and imagination blurs
the hours i spent on overthinking somehow unfurls
the number of suicide notes ive written in the past year are concerning
with panic my stomach keeps churning
at this point though
to my thoughts there's no evident flow
i think they're just diary entries
i hope i don't feel the same when i'm in my twenties
with my emotions unfurling into a chaotic swirl,
I feel kinda nauseous, I might just hurl.
the breakdowns in the school bathroom,
the tears seeping out of my eyes,
all these feelings might just lead to my demise.
Copyright ©
Dhritti Jain
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