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My Beautiful Bruised Brain
Igniting pain retrieving the chemical imbalance
in my brain soft tissue itched my frontal lobe
leaned over my forehead as my temporal lobe
offered little comfort in cognitive skills my optic
nerve damage piercing pain over my right eye
I didn't dare blink as I began to wonder how
much time my brain actually has to continue
writing poetry I had summited several poems an
yet my brain injury frightened me so much
that in a fight flight mode I began summitting
poems uncontrollably thee sudden impulse to
continue writing after my severe brain injury
the doctors said I was partially blind due to
the car bomb crushing my eye socket diplopia
vertigo these strange words the worse fear of
onset dementia could arise so I began writing
over ten poems a day about all subjects since my
wearing wires pregnant for the FBI was the topic of
my mental illness I could still hear my fetus heartbeats
clearly in between the panic attacks witnessing a murder
domestic violence complete fear of killers coming to end my
life I was unraveled clinically depressed chronic ptsd anxiety
disorder and panic disorder I couldn't breathe without panting
and crying memories hurt I wasn't myself the blessing was I had
written and autobiography of my life and all of my poems
were literally autobiographical this helped me immensely
while submitting poetry winning contest writing about my own
mental illness it truly saddened me to read my own work
after all the brain injury was quite clear lots of my words misspelled
then even backwards grammar was vague too I felt lost and empty
bullied intimidated by what appeared to be intelligent persons who
wanted to market my poetry but I continued writing I got lots of
threats taunting teasing if she only had a brain was my favorite or
retards can't write poetry I felt horrible and actually stopped submitting
my work because I submitted so many poems it was amazing comforting
I didn't have time to edit with doctors appointments therapy an
yet I still got great poem Yolanda exceptional
poem we would like to use your poem for our
sound of poetry masterpiece I felt awkward
ashamed to be broken all the bullying had literally
changed me into that retard the name calling fit
typing with one finger and still do my hand was
crushed I was broken my spelling was off I couldn't tie my shoe
or hold a fork I definitely could not edit or proof read all the
poems I'd written i was completely overwhelmed I didn't want
to be rushed to publish my work by bullies looking to market
my mental health poetry it wasn't until a few months after my
brain injury I read poems by the seven year old poet Mattie Stepanik
who finally loss his battle with MS. so I wrote a poem Mattie in
memory of him wow this little tyke sitting in a wheel chair with MS.
writing poetry when everyone said can't he did he said everyone has
a poet inside of them write keep writing be your own hero my god this
was the reason I ever submitted a poem my son encouraged me to
enter after his teachers admired a few of my poems it was Montel Williams
poetry contest I thought what a gem looking at this
disabled poet I saw myself my broken bruised brain in a
wheel chair I began copying everything I write to
edit my brain began to respond to the writing task
comforting coping with my own disabilities with grace
dignity this is my mental health month this is my story
May is national Mental Health month
and also National Military family month
as we remember the triumph of all who
served and passed fallen
This memorial day I'm sending prayers
to anyone who has or ever had a loved
one suffer from traumatic brain injury
or any mental illness always remember
awareness saves lives stay safe god bless you and
God Bless The United States of America.
Copyright ©
Yolanda Nicholsen
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