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Daiya vegan non dairy cheesecake oh yum

Daiya vegan non dairy cheesecake - oh yum!

Hard knocks Methacton school alum
ofttimes finds ruining his fate
while squarely planted on me bum
nevertheless felt rightly triangulated 
flashed mobbed by disheveled and unshaven, 
foo fighting beastie boys
whereby their gray stubble encrusted
wayward synonymous days old crumb -

after getting wolfed (re: gang lions) 
as delectable entitled treat
buttered fingers drubbing upon tabletop
analogous to playing a drum
oy vey, yours truly cannot believe
he ate the whole thing - 
thus feeling bloated and glum
giving way (rather succumbing) 
to Sir Isaac Newton's 
first law of motion first law
a body at rest stays oh so ho hum
inclined to remain supine
and comfortably numb
able, eager, and ready (reddit)
to down tumblr full of rum
cogito argh go sum... my poor tum.

ALDI GIANT supermarkets
(within small radius of miles
from me Schwenksville, Penna abode)
sell delicious delectable treat
goading, inspiring, and spurring me
to craft poem essentially
patronizing manufacturer,
whose skilled food technicians
engineered absolute winning dessert

courtesy their natural born talent
schooled (most likely at culinary institute)
possibly supplemented insync
with advanced degrees
at other institutions of higher learning
after various and sundry
trials and error with plus or minus
marginal limits of tolerance 
concocting mouthwatering secret recipe.

Lemme use hypothetical situation
to accent chew ate,
how alluded dessert tastes great,
especially when rumble in tumbly
clamors for glorious goody
regarding appetite to satiate
unfortunately circumstances
force your truly to wait.

If (the following
constitutes far fetched scenario)
stranded on a desert island,
I after falling to Earth
when parachute fails to open,
weighed down by an excess of
Daiya vegan non dairy cheesecakes,
would finagle an empty pie tin
flashing aluminum dish higgledy piggledy
to signal an oinking porcine SOS
think jeepers creepers
knowing my luck being abducted 
by an alien cannibalistic, gnostic, 
narcissistic life forms,
who quickly abandoned me

subsequently left to my own devices,
(where you dear reader
would discover one humbug),
I would be forced to scrounge around
rubbing two sticks together
to create warmth
plus distilling oils - 
derived from edible herbaceous plants,
whence I would ejaculate 
(not prematurely) - olé
to sauté said collard greens 
with wild mushrooms.

Copyright © matthew harris