A Part of Me Was Dying
When I knew no healing elixir and no cure
I never wanted to give you hopes
Yet, I lied, beautifully lied, giving hopeless hopes
Promising everything will be fine, soon
But inside, a part of me was dying
When I fed you passionately
I never wanted to serve you tasteless food
Yet, I fed, intensely fed, broken rice and sugarless protein
Hoping for your strength to rise again
But inside, a part of me was dying
When your last breath grew closer
I never wanted to sit and watch
Yet, I sat, numbly sat, watched every breath of air
Believing it is not the final one, unaware
But inside, a part of me was dying
When you slowly drifted to your eternal sleep
I never wanted to make you fall asleep
Yet, I stroked, gently stroked your hair, singing lullaby
Longing for you to awake early tomorrow
But inside, a part of me was dying
When you gently took your final breath, so serene
I never wanted to close your eyes taking away all vibrant colours
Yet, I closed, softly closed, setting you free from nasal mask
Knowing you are free from all earthly pains and sores
But inside, a part of me was dying
When they carry you out of our home, once we cherished
I never wanted to walk behind you mourning
Yet, I walked, silently walked, watched you go so far away
Wishing for another day we would stroll hand in hand
But inside, a part of me was dying
When it was time for our final goodbye, so hard to face
I never wanted to kiss your lifeless face
Yet I kissed, deeply kissed every inch of your dearly face
Paying our gratitude, love and affection
For being my wonderful mom, carrying me in your womb
For being my mentor, showing me the path of light
For being my good friend, in joy and tear
For being my shoulder to lean on, day and night
For being my everything, endless love
But inside, I was dying, declining to nothingness.
Copyright ©
Sini K Mathew
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