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Hanging On To Trauma
There is this hypothesis
I unjustly
and perhaps traumatically
just made hard and patriarchally up
is not down
and retentatively not out
soon enough for healthy comings
and goings
A ridiculous theory
that straight homophobic preachers
and teachers,
prophets
and kings,
pharaohs
and rabbis,
old crows
and magpies
Throughout too rich history
seem to have trouble with constipation below
and addictive running
of the capitalistic mouth
above
In response to multigenerational fear
of back door satanic predation
and rabid sexual politics
and financial rape.
Perhaps there is some cause for Buttenda Party fear
of RightWing fascist anger,
who knows,
this GWM
on my best days
and most lascivious nights
not one to wave my LeftBrain privileged credentials
As if worried
about my natural-spiritual collateral
mind embodied endowments
Badly experienced with weaponized capital
fat headedism,
invasive win/lose patriarchal intent
to punish
with Old Testament monotheistic
judgmental Great White Father predations
flagrations
disturbing gyrations
Hard and erect militarized enforcement corporations
seeking a return to peek
at peak AnthroSupreme monopolistic mountainous
control during non-sabbath
business as usual desecrating
economic worship on humiliated
skinned
humbled knees
To this day
offering well-endowed access
to pre-elective filthy rich political communication
excavation
colonization
plunder
infestation
TopDog
v BottomItch and Stretch,
more cooperatively in and out
communion co-invested sacred gay incentives
No Win/Lose partisan BlackHole vacuous
chaos and confusion of feelings barred
as long as your WhiteSugar Daddy
leaves you dripping in white-washed compensations
for insufficiently clean
and pure endowments
From God's rich exclusive grace
for Royals and Food Too Rich Governors
with Heaven above
and Hell below
pre-eminently appositional
1Me v (0)ther dispositions
of a BlackHole violating
intimately sacred acquisition.
With regard to StraightMale Rabbis
in particular digestive dismay
I have this other
BothTrauma/AndTherapy hypothesis
about chronic paternal empathy
administering the britis
as it had been delivered
by YHWH's AnthroSupreme command
to him
At infancy,
when intimate neurosensory networks
were most aggressively developing
fast as revved up cancer
So, perhaps, for this painful time
delivering pleasure down
under felt much better
and safer
as pleasantly compared
to flaming pains
of upfront boychild Trauma
Now revisited each time
he sees and hears
and smells and touches
another holy britis
I wonder if BlackHole pleasure
becomes chronically anxious
as trauma avoidant constipation
non-consummation
Remembering monopolistic sufficiency concerns
about cracking down and out
on desires vaguely hard
and predative
pushing peak relief from repressed
suppressed experiences.
Copyright ©
Gerald Dillenbeck
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