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Monday's GREAT Summer Lineup & A Hypothetical - Andrea Dietrich's Blog

About Andrea Dietrich
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Andrea Dietrich grew up in Iowa and now resides in Utah with a spouse and two cats. She has two grown children and three grandchildren. Having graduated BYU with a Spanish major/ESL minor, she has spent most of her adult life teaching. It wasn't until 2000 that she began writing in earnest and discovering her "niche" as a writer of lyrical poetry. The internet opened up a new world for her, and she has spent nearly a decade now participating in poetry clubs, acting as a judge of poetry contests for various magazines and for the website Shadow Poetry, and also, entering poetry contests herself.

Ms. Dietrich has won numerous awards, as well as the title Poet of the Year 2008, from the Yahoo group, Poetry For Thought. In addition, she has won prizes from the magazines Lucidity, Bell's Letters, Art with Words, Poets at Work and SP Quill, the magazine for which she wrote grammar and poetry articles as well as movie reviews and for which she acted as poetry editor for the head editor Marie Summers for six years. Many of her poems have appeared in Shadows Ink, a yearly published series of chapbooks of award winning poetry as well as in numerous other anthologies. Her short stories appeared in many issues of SP Quill and much of her poetry is published in eight chapbooks (the most recent one soon to be published is called Prosies), which can be purchased at Shadowpoetry.com.

Monday's GREAT Summer Lineup & A Hypothetical

Blog Posted:7/16/2013 5:27:00 PM
The other day hubbie and I were watching our favorite lineup of new Monday night shows like Under the Dome, the Bridge, and the Fosters (all great shows you guys should check out if you live in the states). Last one we saw was Mistresses. It is not really what you might expect. It's just fun drama similar to the shows like Dallas or Knot's Landing. In that show, a woman has just had a one night stand with a fellow lawyer in her law office. She and her husband had had a very bad fight and she was thinking he was leaving her and she stupidly slept with her fellow lawyer. By the way, the woman's husband is a chef who has his own restaurant. He has always wanted children but has just been told that his sperm count is a bit low and it might not be easy for them to conceive.

Well, the lawyer woman makes up with her husband and then she discovers a week later that she is pregnant. The baby could be either her husband's or the other man's. She has no way yet to find out. She decided to come clean and tell her husband about it because she felt truly sorry for what had happened. The previews of next week's show make it look as if the husband will be giving his wife an ultimatum. He says: If the baby is not mine, I want you to give it up. Me or the baby. You decide.

My husband and I got into a discussion about the dilemma and I was surprised by how adamant he was in his feelings that the lady needed to give the baby up. He said she was selfish if she made her husband live with the “symbol” of her infidelity and he would leave such a woman. On the other hand, I really don't think it is all that easy a decision. What woman can give up her own flesh and blood so easily? Is she selfish to not want to do what her husband asks?

I am just really curious to know your thoughts. What would YOU do in this situation? (answering from the perspective of your gender).
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Date: 7/18/2013 2:13:00 PM
Andrea.....i can imagine quite a dilemma....tho i must say.....like that guy who has to wait five-sec, listening to his wife, to get a klondike bar? sheeshh....i tried 3-times ....got a few more lines each time, but the more sadly complicated it got, the quicker i bailed....eneways, i sure hope it works out....hey dudes....always do the right thing....."so says the warrior" (RUSH)....
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Date: 7/18/2013 4:17:00 AM
it's a very difficult and sad dilemma (I know), things are not always clear cut...but I have so much respect for men who raise children who are not biologically theirs, they are real men and fathers in my eyes...
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Date: 7/17/2013 9:27:00 PM
I don't know how any mother could give up their child. No way no how. You are responsible for getting yourself pregnant you are thus responsible to bring up your child.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 7/17/2013 9:46:00 PM
I wish it were that clear cut. But I am glad to see another person feels like I do. My husband said people like you and I are selfish to expect a man to put up with that. Go figure! (after all the things women put up with. hahaha)
Date: 7/17/2013 6:58:00 PM
my cousin married a man who had a wife way back... this wife had a liaison with a colleague who got her pregnant ( a son)... wife and hubby kept the baby.. when their marriage failed, they got an annullment and the woman ran off with someone else... fate somehow intervened when another couple adopted the boy ( then 2 years old)... my cousin is still with her husband; they just celebrated their 35th wedding anniv... welll, keep us posted, andie... :) huggs
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 7/17/2013 9:44:00 PM
It sounds like that woman had no scruples and Karma has been good to the husband!
Date: 7/17/2013 4:33:00 PM
This is very common really. I have known of several instances where this has happened. Just over thirty years ago my neighbours wife had an affair with an Indian which resulted in a baby. Of course there was all the fall outs and recriminations but in the end they kept her. She was born within weeks of my own youngest daughter, they grew up together, we took her on holidays, she was great, all the neighbours rallied round, she grew up to be a lovely girl, and no-one loved her more than the man who had accepted her as his own.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 7/17/2013 9:42:00 PM
thanks for sharing this wonderful story. I am glad to know of a case, where even with different races involved, things were able to work out.
Date: 7/17/2013 2:07:00 PM
So for anyone reading this late, I will now bring up the thing I deliberately left out of the blog. The man is black and she and her husband are white. Does it now make a difference in what you would do? I think a woman who could never give up her child would say it makes no difference. But maybe I am wrong. In any case, I think the whole scenario is a very tricky one. Anyone wanting to lie to the husband could not do it in this situation. I just found this whole scenario very interesting and it made me think how important marriage vows are. because one slip-up can destroy one's entire future.
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 7/17/2013 3:09:00 PM
I so agree with you , charma and the way the world is regarding race just complicates and makes it even worse. Such a sad world it can be!
Chircop Avatar
Charmaine Chircop
Date: 7/17/2013 2:47:00 PM
Lets say the baby is black..Yes it makes no difference for me.Trying to see it in another angle..Lets say the wife is pregnant from this other guy.I wonder how the real father s going to act..It is his child..But lets assume he doesn t know and the husband and wife are going to give another try and the baby is coloured.If the husband forgives and accepts evsrything..I guess colour doesn t really matter.The only thing the secret would automatically be revealed to the neighbour and relatives.I wonder if those are forgiving as the husband..Cause sometimes its third parties which make a relationship hell.They ll have to be honest to the child too and i wonder how that would make him feel towards his mom.I sincierly believe..that if a lady sleeps with another man..its because there s something not working in the marriage.
Date: 7/17/2013 12:20:00 PM
Hi dear friend..I left you a commemt re this blog on your poem cause yesterday i had some problems with blog and soup..I cleared the cache and its ok now.. I think if she slept with another guy..she has some serious problems in their marriage.I think if i were in her situation I keep the child but wouldn t expect husband to keep a child which isnt his own.I guess that would be the final straw to take seperate paths..Just my opinion : )
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 7/17/2013 2:03:00 PM
yes, if you could never give up a child, it would be the final straw indeed.
Date: 7/17/2013 12:06:00 PM
first of all. I would have never mentioned the affair. Unless I am planning on leaving the man. secondly, women are know to choose their men over their own flesh and blood. kids, + family... lolololololol, wonder how many kids I gave up for adoption.... JK Andrea, NEVER!!! Hey now you have me wondering.... deeppppppp! deeeepppp wonder! thanks A Lot Andrea, now I will dwell and wonder what's the true reason my mother gave me up for adoption... ha, wonder how selfish WAS SHE!!.... :-)
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 7/17/2013 2:02:00 PM
that is sad about your mother, PD. Some reasons can be very good ones though.Look down to what I said to Craig and then you will know why she cannot leave the affair unmentioned!!
Date: 7/17/2013 9:48:00 AM
The problem in this show is that the woman's husband is white and the man she had the affair with is black. The identity of the father will more than likely be known when the baby is born. Whether waiting for that 50/50 gamble is too stressful for her or her guilty conscience is too much to handle is the question. But either way they have a long road ahead to try and forgive. Just my thoughts. Betty
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Date: 7/17/2013 4:09:00 AM
Andrea can I just say I have seen this saga unfold many times, in the labour suite, can you imagine the husbands happiness shattered in10 seconds flat. Another scenario, is when an Asian father has 4 girls and yep another is born, wife hadn't told him the scan results earlier, he is desperate for a son, he actually blackened my eye, as though it was my fault.. ...Seren
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Andrea Dietrich
Date: 7/17/2013 8:53:00 AM
good grief, the stupidity. I bet half the men in the world are unaware that it's THEIR donation that is determining the baby's sex. My dad gave my mom four girls. I say that is a winner!!!
Date: 7/16/2013 7:24:00 PM
Ok, as for me, If I loved the woman that much to forgive her infidelity, the next step is what is best for the child, assuming the real father would not want to know, then best is with the mother, so that means accepting the child as my own. This is never a case of hurt ego's, it's a matter of taking responsibility for your actions.
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Manassian Avatar
Eileen Manassian
Date: 7/17/2013 2:36:00 AM
Richard....you are a true gentleman. Sorry, Andrea...I just had to interject here! WOW!
Dietrich Avatar
Andrea Dietrich
Date: 7/16/2013 10:13:00 PM
Richard, I agree with this opinion. Otherwise, the relationship is not built on lasting love anyway. I could never do what this woman did to her husband, but hypothetically, if it happened, I can't imagine not taking responsibility for what I had done. It seems weird to give the child up for adoption. Maybe it would be for the best? I just don't know!! Well, also, it depends on the circumstances and if the baby daddy decided he wanted to be part of the child's life, I think it would be very unfair to have the husband have to tolerate such a thing.
Date: 7/16/2013 5:49:00 PM
Andrea, what a question? How are we ever going to get to a satisfactory answer? Not only is the answer gender relevant, but culturally as well. Just to give you a for instance: Hubby said to me, earlier in the marriage, "If I cheat on you, you've got to forgive me. If you cheat on me, out you go!" That sounds harsh, and he was just exaggerating to make a point, but I can totally understand the man's perspective here. The child would ALWAYS be a reminder that she was unfaithful. Could any woman stand to daily see the secretary her husband slept with sitting in her office looking pretty? NO...she'd demand that she be fired, but, oh, a mother's heart. Who can give up her flesh and blood?
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Eileen Manassian
Date: 7/17/2013 2:41:00 AM
Good for you for not being the jealous type...I'm insanely jealous... :( It doesn't help matters AT ALL....
Manassian Avatar
Eileen Manassian
Date: 7/17/2013 2:39:00 AM
That's the thing..."Once a cheater...always a cheater"..... It ISN'T true, but it will ALWAYS be true in the mind of the one who has been cheated on....always wondering. Of course...forgiveness is the ideal, but...how hard. The racial thing WOULD add a different dimension in this part of the world. NO way to pass it off as your own. No! Divorce would be the only thing if she means to keep the baby...
Dietrich Avatar
Andrea Dietrich
Date: 7/16/2013 10:17:00 PM
I meant to say "stray" not stay. haha
Dietrich Avatar
Andrea Dietrich
Date: 7/16/2013 10:17:00 PM
You are so right, Eileen. this question is going to be so differently answered according to culture and gender but also personality. for example, I am not a jealous woman. If my husband brought home another woman's baby to me, I most likely would raise the child (particularly if that woman were out of the picture). That's just me. Also, I'd have to have great faith he would not stay again.
Manassian Avatar
Eileen Manassian
Date: 7/16/2013 5:54:00 PM
That's why the vow to fidelity is so important in the first place. Remember, it is such a divisive thing that it is the ONLY legitimate reason given in the Bible for divorce. So...I'd like to think that I wouldn't have slept with the lawyer to begin with....but about giving the baby up? The jury is out on that one! ;) The jury being the voices in my head! ;)

My Past Blog Posts

Happy Birthday, Dear CayCay
Date Posted: 10/4/2017 12:01:00 AM
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Sad News on Dave Austin (with link to tribute page I just found out about)
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Thanks for the Community Builders Tributes to All Participants
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Date Posted: 8/28/2016 11:15:00 AM
Someone sent me a book. THANKS, Whoever you are!!!
Date Posted: 8/16/2016 1:16:00 AM
A RECORDED POEM AT LAST!! Thanks, Broken Wings & My Student Josue
Date Posted: 6/2/2016 3:00:00 PM
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Date Posted: 5/26/2016 7:22:00 PM
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Date Posted: 4/23/2016 10:25:00 AM
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Date Posted: 4/17/2016 6:55:00 PM

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