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catastasis of emotions spiral down
until the pain magnifies itself 
too hard to breathe, she takes a knife
touches it against her flesh, slices deep
emotions bleed themselves dry
release the pain from within
she puts on her fake smile and hides the deed

(inspired by a conversation with Timothy Hicks, I know much about that topic because that was me at the age of 10, when my grandmother died and i was forced to be at home, unloved...a cinderella as my God parents called me...I learned how to bleed in poetry as a release, but cutting is an actual disease and they do not know how to release the pain, the pain of the cut releases something that makes them feel good...temporarily, no one ever knows the wounds, they hide them well behind layers of clothes and fake smiles!)

Copyright © Sandra Adams | Year Posted 2016


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  1. Date: 9/19/2017 11:16:00 PM

    Intense...fell in hard...well done
  1. Date: 8/20/2017 3:18:00 PM

    Hi Sandra , nice to meet , great write on self harm , I understand a lot about this type of mental health , check out ; 'treesofhopeireland' ::))) hugs from Ireland
  1. Date: 2/13/2017 10:32:00 AM

    I wrote a poem tiled The Ripping which is in a similar Vein. This is very impactful.
  1. Date: 12/23/2016 9:39:00 AM

    Merry Christmas, hugs Rick.
  1. Date: 10/7/2016 1:29:00 AM

    A deep and moving poem my dear friend, Sandra. Thanks for sharing this wonderful write. Hope you're well. Also stopping by here to greet you, Happy Birthday and wishing you the best in life. love lots and hugs, Leonora
  1. Date: 4/16/2016 8:03:00 PM

    Sandra, I really miss you. Please email me sometime, will you?
  1. Date: 3/26/2016 11:29:00 PM

    I came by to read this once again! Very powerful write!
  1. Date: 3/10/2016 12:54:00 AM

    Deep write Sandra, I can't say I can relate to your story. But, I once knew a girl who cut herself. She once told me it helps where others would not. Up to this day, I will never know what she meant. I hope all is better for you now... Sending you hugs... Love LINDA
  1. Date: 3/1/2016 1:34:00 PM

    It seems with the emotional cases everything is fake. I can relate. daver
  1. Date: 2/28/2016 11:46:00 AM

    A family member had done this when she was a teenager. I did not know about it until years later. I can't imagine being able to keep such a painful secret. So sad and shocking when it comes to light.
  1. Date: 2/24/2016 6:39:00 PM

    An emotionally charged piece. Palpably engaging...7++
  1. Date: 2/24/2016 6:38:00 PM

    An emotionally charged piece. Palpably engaging...7++
  1. Date: 2/24/2016 3:55:00 PM

    Very emotional and so deep yet complete and wonderful poetry.
  1. Date: 2/23/2016 10:00:00 PM

    I was sure from the title, and as I read I can feel the pain, I know all about fake smiles, I would give my all to make all smiles truly heart felt! Great poem!
  1. Date: 2/22/2016 4:41:00 PM

    Well I hope I didn't drudge up too many painful emotions by my comment, Sandra. In any case, thanks for giving me more info about this topic, and what people go through with this ... I've never really been around it. I am happy that you have found maybe something that's a healthier outlet. Kind regards - Tim.
  1. Date: 2/22/2016 5:53:00 AM

    An excellent write, Sandra, on a difficult subject which needs to be brought to the open. T.J
  1. Date: 2/22/2016 2:50:00 AM

    Yes!! There was another girl - fantastic free verse writer, who used to write here at the soup. She too had suffered from that disease. Poetry helped her too. Writing has always been my best medicine for what ever ales me. Great writing, Sandra.
  1. Date: 2/21/2016 2:07:00 PM

    This poem really touched me. So sorry for the pain you endured.
  1. Date: 2/21/2016 12:32:00 PM

    You did well with this one, Sandra. I have heard of this disease too. I'm glad to know you released through poetry and not the physical way. YIKES. It might feel good at the moment.But the scars and after pain must be horrible.
  1. Date: 2/21/2016 12:19:00 PM

    External pain serving as a release of internal pain; others go even further with tragic results. I hope that whoever reads this and is in such a situation will realize that help is available. Very touching, Sandra! ~ Regards // paul