Poetry Forum

Topher Gee - all messages by user

7/6/2017 11:54:30 AM
Partner	Partner Pools of brown seek me out. They drink me in and soak me up. A look so intense, I can hear the unspoken question. No demands, just a request for even a little attention. I give you a passing glance and you shower me with unconditional love. You know me like no other, seeing both my beauty and my ugliness. Aware of my darkest secrets, you never judge. You give me comfort and grant forgiveness even when you don’t understand. Through thick and thin, for better and worse, you remain. I’ll get the leash. It’s time for your walk.
7/6/2017 12:25:14 PM
My Hero	Simple typo: replace "tare" with "tear". For me, there's too much going on here. I see ideas and images for many poems rather than one that attempts to state it all. For example: "When I look in the mirror, I see I cannot wait to encounter you once more and give you a neverending French kiss, one which will want to make you give me an enormous hug and squeeze me so tightly." What if you took the parts of this one line and developed each into their own line: 1) evaluating the mirror's reflection 2) the never-ending kiss (dropping "French" allows the reader to fill in their own pictures) 3) enormous hug and squeeze me so tightly To me, these are all rich images that offer opportunities for you to flesh them out in interesting ways that make the reader feel them. I think this could amount to its own poem. Alternatively, it could become a stanza in a longer poem. What I am suggesting may be entirely contrary to your vision. It's your poem, so follow where it leads you. I appreciate you sharing it and wish you luck with your writing. Topher
7/7/2017 9:50:03 AM
Time by Robert Black	I've read your poem a number of times and I find the lack of punctuation confusing. Without knowing where you want me to start, stop, and pause, I read it differently each time. I also find myself confused about "you". Is this a person? A goal? An aspiration? The speaker? Time itself? Here it sounds like another person or an aspiration: Sure I chased you And never found you But you kept that spark alive Here it sounds like the speaker or time itself: Maybe you lied In the mirror A million times And this line is one that I simply don't understand: But it was the timing of time Do you mean something like: But it was the timing of time -- in my mind -- that did me. Regardless, I still struggle with "timing of time". Thanks for sharing your work! Topher
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