Poetry Forum

Felicia-J - all messages by user

5/14/2017 5:06:19 AM
Mist by Felicia Jarvis	I started writing poems a few months ago. I really want to improve my English (I am not a native English speaker) and express my emotion and feeling in English. I love English culture, language and literature. It is a short poem. Mist Rain sinks into plants in the forest. The plants breathe tiny dews out. Mist is born to gently touch every living thing and blended with its tears Tiny dews cool burning anger, relieve this incurable fears the dews die after comforting me, a cursed dead The mist finally return to the ground where I was being led. edited by Felicia-J on 5/14/2017 edited by Felicia-J on 5/14/2017 edited by Felicia-J on 5/14/2017
5/16/2017 9:38:21 AM
How do you feel? Please help.	I refined my poem previously posted in this forum. Someone said that I have a grammar mistake. Please read the following poem; Tiny Droplets Tiny droplets released from plants Gently touches things of all sorts to cool burning anger to relieve this passive fear and soften the hearts of we the cursed dead, finally returning to the ground. The person pointed out the line, "and soften the hearts of we the cursed dead," Do you feel strange with the line, especially "we" ? I don't feel so. Please help me to understand if it is wrong to use the word "we" there.
5/17/2017 3:05:21 AM
Please let me know how you feel. I need your help.	I posted a poem at an English learning site. I received a comment pointing out my grammar mistake. But I don't think that is a mistake. I like that expression. Please read the following poem and let me know your honest opinion about the expression, "the hearts of we the cursed dead." Tiny Droplets Tiny droplets released from plants Gently touch things of all sorts to cool burning anger to relieve this passive fear and soften the hearts of we the cursed dead, finally returning to the ground. Thank you. edited by Felicia-J on 5/17/2017
5/23/2017 11:29:58 AM
Please let me know how you feel. I need your help.	Thank you so much. I think so, too. Barry wrote: Did the site give an alternative expression they thought was more correct? It might depend on whether the site expected poetry or prose. I find there is more freedom in sentence construction in poetry than prose. Poetic form allows for rhythm and meter which is not required in prose. Personally, in a poetic form I see nothing wrong with it.
5/23/2017 11:31:32 AM
Please let me know how you feel. I need your help.	Yes, you are right. The line is the most important part for me. Thank you.littlespear wrote: You're right and they're wrong. In fact, it is the most necessary line in the poem. Keith O.J. Hunt edited by littlespear on 5/20/2017
5/25/2017 12:25:32 PM
Mist by Felicia Jarvis	Thank you. I rewrote this poem and made a completely different poem. I really appreciate your advice. zaq12wsx wrote: The 2nd line is a bit awkward. "Dew" is defined as "tiny drops of water that form on cool surfaces at night", so I don't think "dews" is a word. How about "The plants breathe tiny dewdrops"? You might want to make the 1st and 2nd lines one sentence, with a semicolon after the 1st line. I think the 3rd, 4th and 5th lines are too long compared with the first two, so you might want to break each of these lines into two lines. You might want to begin the 3rd line with something like "So mist is born.." to continue the theme of the first two lines. "Blended" should be "blend" to match the present tenses of the previous lines. 5th line: "The dew dies after.." 6th line: "return" should be "returns". How about "The mist finally returns to the ground,/ To the place to which I was led." edited by zaq12wsx on 5/23/2017 edited by zaq12wsx on 5/23/2017
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