Poetry Forum

Doug Vinson - all messages by user

4/10/2017 4:25:48 PM
membership	Dahlia, how about taking a screen shot of your "Member Area" - you can get to it by clicking on the link on the left side of the webpage.
4/10/2017 4:37:09 PM
A mistake	I agree that it can stand alone, a snapshot of an unquiet mind, yet there could be more - the reason for the consternation, for example. Either way, have fun and good luck.
4/10/2017 5:14:00 PM
If souls could talk	Hi Robert. How about breaking it up with shorter lines and/or shorter paragraphs? That way it would not be all one mass of text.
4/10/2017 5:44:15 PM
Any one tell if this is ok ?	Definitely more than okay, Karen. A couple suggestions - as you read the poem to yourself, there are a few places where the rhythm and "feel" of the poem changes. One is the 7th line - it has more syllables than the first six and the eighth do. For example, you could do something like, "Your name stamped ever on my heart," to make it more uniform. Line 13 - "with in" should be all one word; no space.
4/15/2017 1:06:22 AM
citrus cavatina.	Like it a lot, Sarah. Nice phrases, pretty good story overall. The beginning is a bit confusing - there's the passerby and their friend, then the speaker is disappointed too. Then the speaker is addressing somebody. I was left wondering what, exactly, the deal was.
4/15/2017 1:09:23 AM
FEEDBACK FOR A READ BACK OF YOURS	Real-life hardness to it, Lisa. I do think you need to work on the spelling and grammar.
4/15/2017 1:13:58 AM
Shine like the stars	Nicely expressive, Melissa. Needs a little work on spelling.
4/15/2017 1:19:04 AM
Inevitable Symmetry	Chandler, a wise poem. I really have no criticism - you did it well and make a good point. It reads pretty darn well - if you've read it to yourself a few times and are satisfied with the way the lines work together, with the syllabic counts, etc., then I'd say you're good.
4/15/2017 1:22:17 AM
need help, comments	Dave, not bad, but it's very simple and only 8 lines long. My opinion - put more into it.
4/15/2017 1:24:31 AM
What's Curvaceous?	My opinion - when a man hears a woman described as "curvaceous," it's usually a good thing.
4/15/2017 1:28:26 AM
membership	Just take a screenshot of your membership.
4/21/2017 12:21:57 PM
Comments Turned off	Click on the link for "My Profile" on the left of the webpage. Or, you can find the same link from within "Member Area." When you click on the link, a new page will open. At the top it says, Edit My Profile." All the way at the bottom, you can select "Yes" or "No" for "Allow Commenting on My Poetry."
4/21/2017 12:25:43 PM
Sounds	So, Eric, the nighttime dreamworld is best? While the poem does set up for the "crying in the sunlight" finale, I think it's a little too repetitive prior to that.
4/21/2017 12:38:28 PM
The Girl of My Dreams	Sarah, I like it. Somewhat mysterious, reflective of the sorrows that can be. Not much criticism from me - I see very little to comment on. "I cant breath" - I'd go ahead and stick the apostrophe in there. For many readers, the lack of it will be noticeable, at least slightly breaking the poem's rhythm. The line: "The doctors gave me a pill to make her go away" - I like this a lot. It could mean more than one thing.
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