Poetry Forum

hempleaves13 - all messages by user

5/12/2019 3:16:48 PM
La Folie du Renard	Evidence of Spirit: Part IV La Folie du Renard An essence heard a heartfelt plea meek, unconfident, not familiar "Should I bother anymore? Please guide me." His words hardly mist.... a response slices the scene with the speed of a guillotine. skittering over the asymmetrical similarities of a snowy expanse a messenger appears cracks of icy dunes produce precarious pawfalls plaguing the vixen. venturing further precisely she plods over precipices of ragged protrusions desperate to achieve the comfort of a smooth surface. "Where you go is perilous! I worry for your safety! It can't be done, you won't survive!" ...cried the timid. Her movement stops on cue slowly facing the pupil she teaches in silent syllables floating on unknown frequencies. " DAMN YOU NAYSAYER! I have no time for the likes of you. Say I won't survive? Come out alive? I've fought through worse pain finding sustenance to gain morsels leaving one inspired not feeling as if they're mired. Search within your pores find where you have hidden yours." Dumbfounded - the novice stirs restlessly "Perplexed, I see, you are mon cherie. Hear what you seek before I flee. When life's coldness surrounding you leaves you writhingly wretched don't feel so desolate and utterly dejected. Deep inside lies the truth albeit quite protected. Bugger those scorning your worth their eyes glisten shades green. Stagnantly feeding ego's girth pompous words - own to preen. YOU are the Alpha here Jack there is no need to whine Condemn the disapproving pack let your own light shine Too much weight put into their drivel making your inner child snivel Buck up, put them in their place other's ire force them to chase. This be your nefarious impasse faux approval merely to fit in Always people of that class saying anything to win Lastly, though I've said enough.... It's as you learned when a tyke those times you fell off your bike quit being a ruse get back to your muse keep working at what you like!" Sunset facing her gaze signals the quest resumed Her protege audibly sobs a simple seven syllable soliloquy stating: "Thank you I love and miss you!" with a whispered (mom) Tender tendrils of whispy wind touch a cheek with a kiss and a lasting voiceless return..... "Forever, son"
10/16/2019 7:41:19 AM
These Threes	For B.A. and J. W.
10/16/2019 3:57:02 PM
These Threes	I was definitely free with my thoughts to them. What draws my ire is the fact that they still don't get that one does not need to devalue, demean, nor discourage another to offer "critical" critique. I do not give opinion on other's art because I lack the expertise and/or degree to do so properly. What these "gentlemen" seem to forget is your last statement. Hence the reason I have never edited a piece stictly to another's critique. One would gather some good from remembering that being pompous, pretentious and feeling "yours" is the only way will not garner anything but false respect(if any at all).
10/17/2019 6:44:55 PM
These Threes	Well that disintegrated quickly! At first I was perplexed as to why you, someone who knows NOTHING about me, would attack my humility, modestness, and moral character in such a fashion. Then it dawned on me - your initials are JW! There are a lot of people with JW as initials yet you actually believe that you are THE JW! Honey, that reminds me of that old Carly Simon song "You're So Vain". You remember the chorus don't you? Don't you, don't you! Sorry to burst your bubble sweetheart but you aren't THAT important. Have a great life pretending you are.
11/24/2019 5:50:22 AM
Lasciviousness	Lasciviousness Serenity enters upon her hem Toting attentions like needful puppies Eager to submit every breath Ponce bathes in her fountain Halcyon depths purifying his soul Isolated pristine - Qing porcelain Simmering sensuality produces Admired luster of a Kashmir sapphire Genuflected I yearn to become Obsequious of all necessities and Desires of her bestowed repertoire Delving into her aura coaxing Effervescent essence pour over mine Songstress serenade inner de Bergerac Seductress seal mine fate!
1/5/2020 5:25:26 AM
Lasciviousness	I admit that I am not the most adroit at the science of titling so I may have "missed the boat" on this one. Obviously you concur. Might you be willing to offer your expertise in opting for one more apropos to the body? Might this be the issue as to why you continue to be a bane for me? Please help a fellow poet,for a change, and spread your "wisdom" to encourage a better connection with the reader rather than condescend the author with how much more eloquently the brilliant interpret what the author is trying to convey.
1/12/2020 8:50:53 PM
Lasciviousness	I don't feel the slightest bit "cheated" by what I write. If your third paragraph is your interpretation of my poem then it has done it's job well. As far as taking words from another epoch - "All the world can be a stage, but we are merely players" from the song Limelight, seemed to have worked well for a poetic idol of mine Neil Peart. Some of the best poetry that can be read. "Jacob's Ladder" is a fantastic poem set to moving music. You should check it out. You may enjoy - if you can get past the large vocabulary. (Maybe 3 "big beautiful words" in Lascivious. Too many? Really?) What about the suggestion I had about maybe renaming the poem? No suggestion Mr. Webster? Rather than rewrite my perspective, how about something connecting it's audience to it's body. edited by hempleaves13 on 1/12/2020 edited by hempleaves13 on 1/21/2020
1/18/2020 9:04:41 PM
Lasciviousness	Forgive me for not knowing how to put the correct ' over the e in Ponce as in Ponce' de Leon. It sounds as though you are the one fragile and disturbed Mr. Webster. I think you are funny and quite contradictory. I honestly wanted YOUR advice on the title because you had mentioned that the body didn't seem lascivious(what WAS I thinking). Instead, as usual, you take it upon yourself to bash what you didn't write. I see your comments to other and am well aware of your game. I've read your drivel and am unimpressed(as it appears is the rest of PS). Concentrate on your own craft before judging others. You have heard the old adage Mr. Webster 'those who can't do....'? Need I finish? Good day! edited by hempleaves13 on 1/18/2020 edited by hempleaves13 on 1/18/2020 edited by hempleaves13 on 1/19/2020 edited by hempleaves13 on 1/21/2020
1/19/2020 3:51:51 PM
A Stranger and a Friend	A shadow, nay, sullen thunderhead inducing a deluge of emotions moved across thousands of darkened souls Freaks, stoners shy, smart geeks and loners outcasts with dreams and compassion in their heart Strangers like me To us, you were a friend we live vicariously through words we couldn't write thoughts that help us defend against wolves attacking for spite we battle predators until the end paper mache hearts now confettied and contrite When in need of a voice to understand you are the poet on which we lean like a crutch of a crippled, broken man assisting our stride and making us gleam Mean pride, through our veins, does pulse your gift - a gold ingot - exclusively ours now smelted - our throats convulse as if poisoned by many whiskey sours Cancer soiled your beautiful brain muddied thoughts and took your life washing future elegance down the drain freaks are shredded with strife like targets at a firing range Suddenly gone leaving the lives bereft upon which you left your mark warrior, graciously, exit...stage left a celestial journey calls to you embark Created the soundtrack for our misfit lives making memories connected to your art our hope that your music survives thousands of years touching many a heart A collective "Thank you Neil" us castaways won't soon forget how your lyrics and talent made us feel ghost ride to your garden in the sunset
1/21/2020 10:11:15 PM
A Stranger and a Friend	Surprising! Thank you.
2/1/2020 6:21:29 AM
Lasciviousness	Oh Mr. Webster I have not, as of yet, resorted to disrespecting you with adolescence name calling(I could go there-and you will be butt hurt if I do). Playing the childish simpleton does not reflect your implied intelligence, therefore is not very becoming. You know what is said about an animal who is backed into a corner they can not get out from, yeah? - their true colours start showing. If one really can not discern that Ponce, in context with fountain, is Ponce de Leon and they searched the word it would become clear. You see, he appears during the search. Also, the definition of ponce appears and shows the main definition- which is an effeminate male. Far different from a homosexual. You should know that Mr. Webster! To use slang as the main focus proves how your game revolves around your need to show how derisive and superior you fancy yourself to be. I could continue this charade, however, I am now finding you(and your useless banter) to be quite tedious.
9/28/2022 2:52:39 PM
Beacon in the Dark	Father Take me into Your sweet arms And rock me for a little while Your arms of love surround me Upon my face the sweetest smile Rock me were I a baby To a soft and swingin' beat Gaze Your light down upon me My face Your brilliance to meet I've had my share of moments And times when I have been weak Times I've turned my back to You And forgotten what I seek Your presence in every move And action that I take Guiding through this one lifetime Me never to forsake Not alone for me, my Lord Others too afraid to ask Help me seek their spirit needs In Your glory they will bask Illumine Yourself through me A beacon to all the others Lost ones wandering the dark Searching for their squad of brothers.
5/3/2023 2:19:18 PM
Critique please!	I would take Mr Smith's advice over that of a pompous snob that can't even spell mistakes. Atkinson is a know it all that likes to think he is something special. Just read his work and you will see that he really is a blow hard that has no idea. Please do not let him define your work.
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