Poetry Forum

blissymouse - all messages by user

7/7/2016 12:22:09 PM
Fire and Ice	Looking for feedback and constructive criticism on the first poem I wrote. I'm mostly happy with how it turned out. Let me know what you guys think. Fire, the breath of the mountain Ice, the coldness hidden within Intertwining together throughout the ages Twisting and turning, the fire flickers Still and solid, the ice waits Opposites, yet the truth lies within Mountains, seemingly the only place Where the two can co-exist Yet reality tells another story Within each of us, Lies the real fire and ice Fiery passions, within us burn Icy thoughts, hard and cold Mind and heart Heart and mind Deeply hidden Is the fire within the ice, And the ice within the fire Ruled by the heart Or ruled by the mind Rulers of each Or Rulers of none. Beware the one ruled by either ‘Tis not for man or woman To be ruled But for man and woman To rule themselves Emotion, human and warm Logic, hard and cold To be ruled by emotion Is to risk being burned To be ruled by logic Is to risk a frozen heart Balance in nature Balance within Find the fire within the ice And the ice within the fire Controlling both Only then will we find ourselves. edited by blissymouse on 7/7/2016
7/14/2016 3:08:16 AM
Feedback appreciated. Constructive criticism okay,	Jolene Cheney very nicely done. Only constructive criticism I have is to be consistent with the number usage. What you've done is you use three in the written form, then change to number form when you say two. Then you go back to written form again with three. It makes it a bit weird. Choose whether you want to use the written form or the number form and then stick to it. Happy writing edited by blissymouse on 7/14/2016
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