Poetry Forum

sunshine williams - all messages by user

4/22/2015 12:35:52 AM
Introduction	High all. This is very exciting to me. I have been writing since I learned in kindergarden. Back before spell-checker corrected you to "kindergarten" When Kinder's message of the grade was for it to be a garden of fun and socializing, not a competition. Well I just gave away my age! No worries. I submitted my first poem this morning, due to insomnia. this looks like a great diversion for me.
4/22/2015 12:39:40 AM
Introduction	I am a little disappointed, cause I thought I was writing under my pseudonym. I am not hiding just honoring my late husband and our unborn child, Sunshine Williams. Glad to be immersed in verse!
5/22/2015 2:31:16 PM
Screen Door Flying in the Wind	Wow! I actually get it What a wonderfully concrete combination of image and prose, yet with plenty of room left for one's own imagination..., Jill Those who have never failed have never tried... edited by sunshine williams on 5/22/2015
5/22/2015 3:00:44 PM
My poem Leviathan	Unbelievable alliteration! I learned sooo many new words. The last word says it all...Art!!!! jill
5/22/2015 3:02:32 PM
My poem Leviathan	Hip hip hoorah! Three Cheers! Kudos! Props! Hats off!
6/20/2015 3:32:44 AM
Random 7's	As far as I know it's the best rating I may give
8/19/2015 8:08:43 AM
Please critique this poem, it made me write it!	sunilmathur wrote: 'Entwined' and 'wrapped around' are the same thing. So this is only a duplication of words. 'Entwined like a snake around my cerebrum' should convey the meaning quite well. But why 'cerebrum'? This refers only to a physical part of the brain, whereas what is relevant here is mind or thoughts. "spiralling away my thoughts". What is this supposed to mean? Apart from the fact that "spiraling my thoughts" is the correct usage, 'spiraling away' does not convey much. You could substitute 'thoughts' for 'cerebrum', and then add in the next line that these (i.e. thoughts) have consequently got stifled, confused, clouded, or something of that sort. "Breaking free". What? Obviously your thoughts, not the weed. Here it is your thoughts that are supposed to break free and transcend the stifling environment created by the weed. But what you are emphasizing is fresh green growth BENEATH the weed. "Fall away desiccated vines" also does not sound right. The tendrils would fall from or fall away from desiccated vines. edited by sunilmathur on 8/19/2015
8/19/2015 8:13:33 AM
Please critique this poem, it made me write it!	My late husband had a chordoma entwined around the vessels at the base of his skull. I wish it had been just wrapped around. When weed is ready it is puffy fresh green growth...peace
8/19/2015 8:24:37 AM
Hypocricy	I believe if an idea has popped into your mind it has thus been created. When you create a fictional poem it is bound to touch someone and others in all different perceptions, or bring out feelings one has felt. Take limericks or science fiction for example. You never know who will be touched, comforted, frightened, etc. by something a poet has created or made up. You are probably too young, but take Shell Silverstein for example, not really true, but makes you laugh or think. Bravo, write what your heart desires! , jill edited by sunshine williams on 8/19/2015
8/19/2015 8:30:52 AM
Darkness to Darkness we may pass	Gabe wrote: Darkness to Darkness we may pass Never knowing that was our last-- And who should know-- Not I-- A sweet revenge for living a life so long 8/4/'15 edited by Gabe on 8/19/2015 edited by Gabe on 8/19/2015
8/19/2015 8:34:29 AM
Darkness to Darkness we may pass	I really do not believe humans should be privy to the future. It would entirely change my future and in this long blink of an eye, life-span would not be entirely free will any longer... , jill edited by sunshine williams on 8/19/2015 P.S. Do not take offense, it is kind of kool, but your verse gave me the chills! edited by sunshine williams on 8/19/2015
10/14/2015 8:15:01 PM
N/A in contests	Bill, I have received a few as well, The best I can come up with is that my poem was not applicable for any reason, such as following directions, wrong name, etc. Keep on competing and writing just because..., jill
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