Poetry Forum

The bad seed - all messages by user

10/4/2014 7:27:59 PM
wishing tueday morning away high critique	wishing tuesday morning away I wish those early morning birds Would quit their fascist songs Have they got nothing better to do Than wake me from my slumber So I can follow the spider on the cobweb ceiling Wondering when he gonna attack I wish the shower wasn't so hot I wish the soap wasn't so slippy I wish the cereals weren't so sugary I wish the car wasn't so filthy I wish I was anywhere else but here I wish the radio played decent songs I wish my poems flowed like golden ink That drip upon the eloquence of the finest silk I wish I could stop smoking Everyone else seem to manage it I wish my words were mighty spears That would crack the heads of stagnant brains I wish this coffee didn't taste like **** I wish I had the balls to rob a bank I wish that truck would bloody move Too slow would never make it out alive I wish them lights would turn green I wish the phone would stop ringing I wish I had the skills to leave this all behind I wish I got a letter saying "love your stuff ,here's ten grand write us a book" Ah but it's all wishing; wishing Tuesday morning away.
10/22/2014 3:11:15 PM
What's wrong? Brutality is ok if well-intentioned!	have to agree ,nothing wrong with style or technique,you have avoided cliches and poem flows grand,however it’s the sediment of poem that might put people off,the idea that it is acceptable to kill or be killed in the name of a god tihis could be be the justification for the scum that is ISIS or al queda or the muderous crusaders, good well written poem though
11/14/2014 11:13:47 PM
Thief thy name is human	The first verse you use "I" five times separating the reader from the poem,poetry is a two way process the reader and the writer especially if you trying to evoke some kind of universal truth,there is complete lack of any Kind of poetic devices I.e assonance alliteration interior Rhyming which means the poem is hard to read and what you want to express gets lost in the muddle The writing has to harder crisper in poetry less is more You have to really think what you want to say then cut it Down until it flows like water Though saying all that you have basis of a very good poem It just needs alot of work and editing That's my two cent worth Keep writing and best of luck edited by The bad seed on 11/14/2014 edited by The bad seed on 11/14/2014
12/9/2014 6:15:09 PM
wishing tueday morning away high critique	thanks for the feeback glad that you enjoyed it
12/9/2014 6:28:37 PM
How Blue	i like it you get straight to point in the first verse and the theme runs consisently throughout,the rhmyng dosen’t seem forced and it is easy to read,if i have one small criticism maybe it is slighty too long,good write keep up the good work paul edited by The bad seed on 12/9/2014
12/16/2014 10:37:59 PM
Poe vs Reality or Revitalization of Poetry	you have to read chicktown by John cooper Clarke ,you will have a fit,he also wrote the best poem written in last thirty years imo Beasly street,no formal eduction no college no fancy art courses just naturally gifted,it seems to me your moaning about the collapse of elitism in poetry and how dare it be open to the masses,poetry espically in ireland was used to poke fun at authority,to spread news and gossip,poetry aiways belong to the people before the elitest elements from mainly the victorian era turned into acadamic pursuit, poetry must be given free expression and not turned into technical excerise that removes passion lightness of touch i be interested to know what you think of paddy kavanagh and brendan behan as writers,The great hunger probaly the best irish poem ever written no formal eduction no elitism edited by The bad seed on 12/16/2014
12/16/2014 10:40:21 PM
Poe vs Reality or Revitalization of Poetry	sorry about grammer and spelling typing. this on phone edited by The bad seed on 12/16/2014
12/18/2014 9:59:52 PM
Poe vs Reality or Revitalization of Poetry	of course those poems i referenced are not suitable for children and you win the arguement hands down if that is the perspective your are coming from,but to say poems like chicken town and beasly street show a lack of culture just mean you don’t undetstand the anger and poverty people suffered in nothern england during the thatcher years,as i said poetry belongs to the people not just to middle class culture vultures who want to wrap it up in cotton wool and present a utopian world veiw,that is fine for children as they take first steps in to poetry but not for critical fuctional adults ,beasly street was added to english school syballus for 16- 18yrs and cooper clarke is regarded as national treasure ,i presume your comment dosen’t apply to kavanagh epic poem "the great hunger" a portrait of rural isolation,teenagers and young adults ought to readind poems that give a honest and true reflections on life not trapped in moral judgement that confines their reading and writing to sedate inoffisive generes,
12/18/2014 11:04:12 PM
Poe vs Reality or Revitalization of Poetry	this the kind of poetry that gets people interested no bland stuff here Patrick H Pearse (Poet, Irish Rebel, Gaelic scholar and visionary) The Rebel I am come of the seed of the people, the people that sorrow, That have no treasure but hope, No riches laid up but a memory Of an Ancient glory My mother bore me in bondage, in bondage my mother was born, I am of the blood of serfs; The children with whom I have played, the men and women with whom I have eaten, Have had masters over them, have been under the lash of masters, And, though gentle, have served churls; The hands that have touched mine, the dear hands whose touch is familiar to me, Have worn shameful manacles, have been bitten at the wrist by manacles, Have grown hard with the manacles and the task-work of strangers, I am flesh of the flesh of these lowly, I am bone of their bone, I that have never submitted; I that have a soul greater than the souls of my people's masters, I that have vision and prophecy and the gift of fiery speech, I that have spoken with God on the top of His holy hill. And because I am of the people, I understand the people, I am sorrowful with their sorrow, I am hungry with their desire: My heart has been heavy with the grief of mothers, My eyes have been wet with the tears of children, I have yearned with old wistful men, And laughed or cursed with young men; Their shame is my shame, and I have reddened for it, Reddened for that they have served, they who should be free, Reddened for that they have gone in want, while others have been full, Reddened for that they have walked in fear of lawyers and of their jailors With their writs of summons and their handcuffs, Men mean and cruel! I could have borne stripes on my body rather than this shame of my people. And now I speak, being full of vision; I speak to my people, and I speak in my people's name to the masters of my people. I say to my people that they are holy, that they are august, despite their chains, That they are greater than those that hold them, and stronger and purer, That they have but need of courage, and to call on the name of their God, God the unforgetting, the dear God that loves the peoples For whom He died naked, suffering shame. And I say to my people's masters: Beware, Beware of the thing that is coming, beware of the risen people, Who shall take what ye would not give. Did ye think to conquer the people, Or that Law is stronger than life and than men's desire to be free? We will try it out with you, ye that have harried and held, Ye that have bullied and bribed, tyrants, hypocrites, liars! edited by The bad seed on 12/18/2014
7/28/2015 2:23:51 PM
i would like some honest feedback on this piece,	ART IS DEAD MY FRIEND ART IS DEAD MY FRIEND ART IS DEAD Whitewashed and derailed, By modernism vacuous hand. That scream empty metaphors. To cash rich sympathisers And con-ceptualists scamming our intellect, with their o so profound egotistical postulating. About the nature of existence, And meaning of being. It's all smoke and mirrors. A three card trick. Unsatisfying unnourishing. Greasy burgers for the soul. What would Van Gogh do? Probably pluck out an eye, And sew an ear to his head. So lets have a moment silence, In this hour of grief, As I whisper "art may you rest in peace". edited by The bad seed on 7/28/2015 edited by The bad seed on 7/28/2015 edited by The bad seed on 7/28/2015
8/6/2015 11:23:21 AM
i would like some honest feedback on this piece,	Thanks for your suggestions ,i have rewritten the piece and i think it works better and has more clarity,still kept the repeated capitols just my personal taste,thanks again for input much appreciated.
8/28/2016 9:40:20 PM
Eternal bones	First line cliche" tick tock" not a great opening line 2nd line simile "as" used again in 3rd line "like" Two similes following each other drawing attention from what you are trying to get across Try to get your point across without overuse of words Make poem feel clunky 4th line avoid familiar phrases " full well" , I'll instead of ill 5th line ok 6th line I'll instrad of ill,too many words(maybe "all i will be is a heap of bones") 2nd verse 1st line you ask a question of the reader and you answered it the same sentence,better to just leave it hanging, 2nd line what is "that" is it resurrection the reader is guessing 3rd line to many words 4th line you ask the reader a question knowing only you know the answer ----it works well 3rd verse Absolutely no complaints about this verse you say what you mean,and it flows really wel, 4th verse Good strong writing with traditional rhyming scheme works really well,fav verse of poem 5th verse End in pleading,you want more memories not wealth maybe that should be the theme of the verse not sticking on two questions that the reader can't answer,not the best way to finish a poem, Overall this poem as potential to be a very good poem really like the two middle verses last verse good with little tidying up,i would scrap the first two verses and try to have the third verse as starting point of the poem All the best Paul edited by The bad seed on 8/28/2016
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