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gailde - all messages by user

2/25/2012 12:46:23 PM
Happy to Have Found This Site I live in the United States and have been writing poetry on and off since I was 6 years old. I have never actually sold my poetry, but was published in a couple of school (high school and college) literary magazines. I think that this site is a wonderful idea and am excited to be able to read the works of poets from all around the world, and also share my work, as well.
3/10/2012 4:05:37 AM
Asking for Critiques of my poetry Hello!

I have been writing poetry since I was a youth, but have not had my poetry critiqued in many years. It's always an ego-boost when I receive a positive comment because it means a great deal to me to see that there are people enjoying and gaining value from my poetry, but I am really interested in how you think I can improve on my poetry, as well. Thank you ahead of time for any constructive feedback you leave me on any of my poetry.

Here is one in particular that I would like constructive criticism for.

The Ouija Spelled Life Written March 8, 2012

Death mixed with morning rain and darkness,
Icy patches hidden on the pavement
Lived comfortably on the outside
As I rode along in my car
like the Planchette of a Ouija board.

Unaware that the power(s) that be
Were battling against each other
To push my car on the board to
Spell out either life or death,

My morning thoughts
Were interrupted
By a 360 spin faster than
The distance between
Two thoughts...

Ending up muffler-first gagged on
A snowbank with nothing,
No one around for miles.

I gazed at the three-lane
Highway where LIFE
Was spelled out this time,
And realized that
DEATH may have been on the
Board thirty minutes later
During a busier time.

Thirty minutes later
Found me talking
To a mechanic
Instead of my family talking
About me in the past tense
And trying to communicate with
Me through the Ouija board.

Death inefficiently cheated
Marked off on My To Do list
For the day.

How many more times will
I be able to mark that off?
Dare I ask the Ouija board
Knowingly sitting in the corner
Of my closet?
edited by gailde on 3/10/2012
edited by gailde on 3/10/2012
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