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all messages by user
12/7/2011 6:53:14 PM
Wishing for brute honesty(with a little fluff?)
||Tell me what you think:
Forlornly are wedding bells here chiming
Within ears of this lonely man, forsaken
By fate, who now sits and writes words, rhyming
To find solace from his mistress, taken.
A girl whose eyes would glare with such greatness
Beauty's standard would drop when she would blink
Her hands so soft, her touch was like a kiss
Her raw beauty, strangely, rising at wink.
No longer will she call my lot her love
For she has wandered from what was our home
Yes, far from my cage has flown my sweet dove
She has left me waiting, crying, alone
They say: if you love her, let her go free
Yet they know not the joy she brought to me
12/10/2011 7:34:01 PM
Unsure about things? What do you think?
||I feel it's almost there. Expressions in this are kind of novel, however, they show great potential. You seem to show great promise in being clever. I can tell the you yourself have made sense of the emotions you feel, or at least you appear to have. Just work on putting these emotions on the paper. And in such a poem, the syllables don't matter. Overall, I feel you have so much potential as a poet, just keep writing.
1/11/2012 8:29:15 PM
A free verse poem
||Call me that house on your block.
The one with the open doors and closed windows.
The one only the old widow knows about
But refuses to tell about.
Shingles falling off, and crows
Moving in to their long lost home,
Nature reclaims slowly that house,
Green veins of life climb their dead brothers,
Violet an red buds that would've bloomed,
If only the wood rot hadn't gotten to them
You're all waiting for it to fall.
Call me THAT house on you block,
Call me: A Lost Cause
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