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Eiken - all messages by user

12/28/2010 3:34:39 AM
Hi everyone Hi, I have just signed in - I started writing poetry this year. I am Irish but live in Ireland and Germany and have lived abroad in Europe for many years now. I have posted two poems that I wrote recently but am not sure what to do now. I hope I can read some work also, I will check out the site and hope to enjoy my time here.
12/28/2010 3:36:19 AM
Hi everyone Hi Liz,
I am Irish and hope to find my way around the site here. I just signed in so am saying hello.
12/28/2010 3:48:36 AM
The Saver I really like this poem, wonderfully crafted and a very enjoyable read.
12/29/2010 2:59:25 AM
Bird thaw morning Afterthe thaw
birds swim the sky
wings outstretched, exuberant
warmed by a light drizzle
falling on pear soaked fields
they drink in a saturated land

Gliding from Cedar to Spruce
great canopies of army green,
the gulls alight from a satin sky
to branches covered in lichen
where pistachio ivy clings

Sweeping over a shrouded sea
liquorice birds blot the view
A silver birch extends
it’s arching limbs
as blackbirds gather
on a melting morning
edited by Eiken on 12/29/2010
edited by Eiken on 12/29/2010
12/29/2010 11:04:00 AM
Floating Hi,
I liked this poem, very spiritual, dreamy, lofty thoughts with a depth of loneliness that you chose, the mind a prison, a walking corpse, closed off to the world. The whole idea of hibernation comes to mind where there would be no worries, no stress, no thoughts, just peace and sleep but under ice makes it less appealing, just my thoughts. A lovely write and read.
12/29/2010 11:20:37 AM
Rooms and War Hi Qi,
This is a deeply moving poem, very sad, traumatic. I am not sure why you put the words in German there, are they just your personal references to your grandfather (opa). I found they distracted me while reading, I stopped at the opa, Herr Uberlebende and again at Liebling and I had to go back to re-read again and again. I feel it would be best not to have the German in there but just my thoughts. I live in Ireland and in Germany at present and the war is still such a big part of TV in Germany. There are endless documentaries which surprised me when I went to live there at first.

I love the description of your grandfather, in fact the whole first verse is wonderful. I recently wrote a piece on remembrance day of my Great Grandfather who died in the Somme and I realised when writing it that it was best that he was blown to pieces for those who survived, lived out the rest of their lives in sheer misery with recurrent nightmares of the shelling, body parts, trenches.

"For it would be your death to enter
Into those vacant rooms
Starved walls"

I think these lines say so much and I really love your last lines, wonderful end to this poem. A super write
12/29/2010 3:52:10 PM
Dogma Delivery (ABC Poem) Wonderful poem, I love it.
12/30/2010 2:18:04 AM
shadows in candlelight Feeble and hunched over

his movement stumbles

as shuffling feet echo

in the shadows

of a candle-lit

forgotten church

as the old priest

performs his sacred rituals

to a few faithful followers

A commitment to the cloth

harbourer of hidden secrets

an unclaimed inheritance

no longer passed on

the last remaining elders

keepers of unwanted wisdom

take their secrets

to the grave
1/7/2011 4:35:10 AM
shadows in candlelight I would really appreciate comments please.
1/7/2011 4:50:19 AM
ABC form, please critique An apprehensive Amy
Births baby Bob
Carefully cradles cries
Dons dry diapers
Emanates endless emotions
Fraught frantic fears
Grateful glad greetings
Huge happy hugs
Innate intuition increases
Joyful jaded journey
Key kind kin
Learner loving lavished
Must make money
Nurturing new needs
Oceans of options
Play pray plan
Quiet questioning queries
Restful rescue remedies
Seeking soother solutions
Truly tired times
Uncertain, unforgettable unity
Varied viral visits
Warm winter woollens
Xylophones xeroderma, x-ray
Yesterday youthful years
Zestful zoned zoo
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