Poetry Forum

sharpflatts - all messages by user

9/8/2010 6:42:30 PM
Stream of greedy dreams	My only suggestion is punctuation related: I think if you put commas on both sides of the phrase "...making its own way...", it would help the continuity of flow for the reader. I enjoyed the piece though. Great concept. I hope you find my suggestion useful.
9/8/2010 7:55:26 PM
The Ring	Wringing out the rosies; (I was reared by retrogression- pockets full of pretty posies.) I'm obsessed with dispossession. I'm ashing in my ashtray- airing my aggression. I'm falling for a cliche- careless in confession. Why can't we all join hands, twirl ourselves around, and sing as though we understand? We all fall down. The ring around us closes, reeling in recession. Pocket-picking poses profess my own profession. I'm ashes in my ashtray; added by accession. I'm falling for a light gray impression of expression. Why can't we all join hands, twirl ourselves around, and sing as though we understand? We all fall down. We will all return to the Earth- We all find our home in the ground. The cycle of death, and of birth, is a ring that is perfectly round. The womb from which we arose, is the tomb in which we'll be closed.
9/18/2010 2:15:34 AM
The Ring	Thank you both, so much, for your kind words.
11/20/2010 5:48:43 PM
The Ring	I was concerned about the rhyme scheme coming off unnaturally. I was a songwriter before I REALLY got in to writing poetry (which was just about a year or two ago), so I'm still working on not being as vague in my poems as was beneficial in my lyrics. Thanks for the honest feedback.
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