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tara jennings - all messages by user

10/15/2010 11:30:18 PM
My Faith to Wash Away (critique please?) I pray words can come to me one day
-Without the lingering of sorrow and regret.
That one day I can trust and hope and pray
-Without remembering our woes.

I pray one day my soul to cleanse
To be awashed anew again
But today my lord I ache to know…
These words are but the shell
Of faith we used to know.

Why do I speak to thee?
When inside these vows are dead to me.
How do I find that long-lost love?
The humility and honor to know it’s true.

I can not start this book again,
And skip the pages I’d rather not see.
I can not erase the lines
That should never have to be .

So tell me Lord, how to start a different book.
Define that word “faith”,
so I can comprehend this new chapter.
Help me rember how faith and hope inspires-
And how belief creates the miracles worth living.
edited by tara jennings on 10/22/2010
10/15/2010 11:31:50 PM
My Faith to Wash Away (critique please?) Could a few people give me critique to improve my writing organization, style? I have a hard time pulling the meaning of what I'm saying so that the essence of the truth I want heard is actually understood
10/15/2010 11:37:31 PM
HI I AM NEW HERE welcome, and tentative we all are of sharing our words that we pull from inside, but the urge to give truth in word comes with the urge know your truth is heard, tell it to us so we can learn
10/15/2010 11:46:17 PM
My Son Spell out your words and spell check, improper grammar pulls away some of the very powerful emotion involved.
10/15/2010 11:55:26 PM
Invitation to Perception Beautiful imagary, rhyme, meter, organization, I enjoyed reading the words, but I think there was too much artistic metaphor or language for my simple (and often slow witted) mind to find the truth you want me to understand from your writing. The fourth stanza is where I lost your metaphor you introduced "long live the night"; which by the way is a powerful invocation of emotion, well done on choosing powerful language.
10/16/2010 12:05:05 AM
lets give this a go do I have this right, skunk king is a dirty cop, The way you through "badge"in last makes the lines tie together and read organized. I really like the rythmn and style of your write and agree with the comment above mine.
10/16/2010 12:57:42 AM
Pet Peeve doofus wrote:
It's like: If you have a 'Booger' i would want some one to point it out to me before i approach a lovely damsel in distress.

You didn't capitalize "I". You see how typos can happen, the meaning is stil there. Only suggest spell check if it there is a blatant error. Often in poetry, certainly mine, grammar is optional as I invert lines or emit words or even do a play on words. I do that with to, too, and two sometimes in speaking of a relationship of two who need too many words to describe the levels of compaionship, ( ie my Mommy and Me).
10/16/2010 12:59:40 AM
Pet Peeve doofus wrote:
It's like: If you have a 'Booger' i would want some one to point it out to me before i approach a lovely damsel in distress.

oh and I totally mispelled a few words in typing that too
10/21/2010 11:53:56 PM
Critique? I love your play on words, comparison and contrast in the second line, and over all feelings that leak from each line.
fifth line, third word is it meant to be "to" or "too" ?
There are parts where you use grammar and punctuation to break it up and emphasize and then parts where there is no punctuation. Read out loud what you wrote and arrange the grammar and puctuation so others will read it with the pace, emphasis, and pauses that you want. Think of spoken word. The beat of it, the pauses, how it appears on paper, the play on words and speed of it all help the reader pick up the emotion you want to convey. Rigid structure isn't needed, some times not at all, but for a lengthy poem a little helps break it up so in the process of reading it on paper they "hear" the authors voice. I love your wording, it connotes a pain and cynisim (spelling?) of the speaker and disdain for the antagonist liar. Just as you choose words that tie together those emotions and hint at them so can more appropriatly placed punctuation.
edited by tara jennings on 10/21/2010
10/22/2010 12:03:03 AM
My Faith to Wash Away (critique please?) Okay I am a little hurt. When I started soup I wanted fellowship, critique, a sense that somebody in the world understands me. The first comments and contest I placed in made me like giddy happy. Then I realised all the comments were generic comments that are posted every where because every one here is trying for "points". So I stopped getting happy like that and was just glad some body read my words. Then I found this forum and thought "Ah ha! here is a place I can find true writing philosophy and the guidance I need to improve the structure of wording." But no, No one has felt the need to help me. In fact I think half of the "number of reads" is from checking a couple time a day myself to see if some one has. In fact, I did not see many comments on any bodies post here on the forum. I thought soup was a great way to share a part of myself that I am too shy to share in person and now I am starting to think it's like the other on line social sites and is based on "social status" and not art work.
edited by tara jennings on 10/22/2010
10/22/2010 12:08:48 AM
I Have Always Cared I reallylike yor words, try and space it up a little to make it easier to read. Read it out loud when you edit and add the grammar and punctuation that comes naturally to your spoken word.
10/22/2010 12:12:26 AM
Summer snow This is sweet, or more acurately, tranquil.
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