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Forum Home » High Critique » Poem entitled 'Paper'

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/26/2012 12:09:54 PM

John Smith
Posts: 2
Hey guys this is one of my first poems, would love to know what you think.

On paper I am perfect,
On paper I am fine
On paper I see everything,
All that is mine
But paper gets worn down,
Paper tears with time
The ink will slowly fade away,
The words will slowly die
Paper tells a story,
which can often be a lie
It's dogged ears can hide the truth,
It's cuts can make you cry
But paper wont match reality,
However hard I try

The ink will slowly fade away,
Maybe it's my time.
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5/8/2012 3:52:52 PM

Kara McLain
Posts: 7
I honestly have nothing to say improvment wise other than why no periods? Other than that lovely flow. I am in love with the last two lines of the first stanza.
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5/10/2012 8:16:21 AM

Nathan D.
Posts: 7
its a good poem i like the concept of it and the flow is excellent. the only thing i would look at is lines 4 6 and the last line. these are too short for my liking and distrupt the flow ever so slightly.
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