You have an ad blocker! We understand, but...

PoetrySoup is a small privately owned website. Our means of support comes from advertising revenue. We want to keep PoetrySoup alive, make it better, and keep it free. Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on PoetrySoup. See how to enable ads while keeping your ad blocker active. Also, did you know you can become a PoetrySoup Lifetime Premium Member and block ads forever...while getting many more great features. Take a look! Thank you!
Get Your Premium Membership

Poetry Forum

home recent topics recent posts search faq

Forum Home » High Critique » Poem entitled 'Paper'

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/26/2012 12:09:54 PM

John Smith
Posts: 2
Hey guys this is one of my first poems, would love to know what you think.

On paper I am perfect,
On paper I am fine
On paper I see everything,
All that is mine
But paper gets worn down,
Paper tears with time
The ink will slowly fade away,
The words will slowly die
Paper tells a story,
which can often be a lie
It's dogged ears can hide the truth,
It's cuts can make you cry
But paper wont match reality,
However hard I try

The ink will slowly fade away,
Maybe it's my time.
permalink • reply with quote
5/8/2012 3:52:52 PM

Kara McLain
Posts: 7
I honestly have nothing to say improvment wise other than why no periods? Other than that lovely flow. I am in love with the last two lines of the first stanza.
permalink • reply with quote
5/10/2012 8:16:21 AM

Nathan D.
Posts: 7
its a good poem i like the concept of it and the flow is excellent. the only thing i would look at is lines 4 6 and the last line. these are too short for my liking and distrupt the flow ever so slightly.
permalink • reply with quote

Forum Home » High Critique » Poem entitled 'Paper'

Powered by AspNetForum © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software