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Forum Home » High Critique » First Poem. Hope it's at least adequate!

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/24/2012 4:54:16 AM

George Cavitt
Posts: 3
Her name hailed from Irish saints, established by God
The sun was her maid, its' flames
A reflection of her beauty
Besotted Poseidon took refuge in her eyes
When Caesar gazed at her smile, he refused to cast the die
Her will toppled tyrants and ascended kings
Words lost meaning through her touch
For it possessed its own language
Now only silence remains; unable to hear her touch
The blight within having destroyed what she once embodied
Now imagination is all that gives life to the caress of her lips
Dreams, the only way I can feel her warmth beside me
Though she fades in graves of dirt
Her enchantment shall be made immortal
In the confines of my memories.
edited by Saltu Fidei on 4/24/2012
edited by Saltu Fidei on 4/25/2012
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5/8/2012 3:49:25 PM

Kara McLain
Posts: 7
very adequate. all though i feel as if lines 7, 9, and13 ends are very abrupt. the last words of these lines dont seem to give off the same feel as the rest. Just give it a thought. very well done
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5/10/2012 8:12:08 AM

Nathan D.
Posts: 7
though i enjoy the overall concept of your poem and many verses in it, i feel as if it lacks true rythem and flow. the ending was fanstatic though.
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