Poetry Forum
Do you need help editing a poem? Maybe English isn't your first language. Post poems or request help with a poem or english here.
2/6/2023 10:30:41 PM
Pin Jin Posts: 1
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context: devourer of the depths is a fish that lives under the deep sea that has a lamp in front, fictional character.
Does this even qualify as a peom? What are some things I can improve?
devourer of the depths
living a life of loneness
a small light shines from afar
under your horrifying looks is your beautiful soul
you are in my mind and in my heart
I watch you battle with your strength
in my days of the worst depression
thinking of you gives me hope
tomorrow will be a better today
you are a true living inspiration
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2/7/2023 8:11:11 AM
Di11y Da11y Posts: 17
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Anything can qualify as a poem.I have some difficulty as the fish you describe isn't widely known as having a beautiful soul and there is no battle for a creature that likely has no sense or regard for its appearance. There is potential in the description though and forgive me, but I reworked it slightly to demonstrate my points.
Devourer of the depths
Living life alone
Shining a small light visible from afar
Seen by no one
Unknowable and unknown
In the vast ocean
you are in my mind and in my heart
But this is not my reality
Even in my days of worst depression
There is hope
I am known and I am seen
My light is visible in a World of beauty
Tomorrow will be a better day
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6/28/2023 5:14:31 AM
Ilona Bell Posts: 1
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Thanks!
-- Publishing and Marketing: Once the game is tested and debugged, it is released to various app stores. Promotion and marketing follow to attract players.
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7/4/2023 3:58:28 PM
Witold Rutkowski Posts: 3
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It has calm vibe, I love it!
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3/30/2024 10:58:30 PM
Michelle Smith Posts: 12
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The reply of the other poem variation was an intriguing interpretation. (It seems to offer you even more hope to believe in, which is cool)-- but the original way you expressed it was very poemy as well already. I even looked up the word "loneness" because I was thinking to myself, cool, you made the word up, but it describes your feelings well. But no -- it's a word that's been around since the 1500's... a synonym of loneliness, solitude, etc. So you can use that word if you want. As for improvements... is there anything you feel you've left out? What about imagery of the senses... of feeling the depth and darkness, etc.? Does the fish simply inspire you, or do you ever imagine BEING the fish? Like Bastian admitting to imagining he's Captain Nemo trapped in his submarine (in The Neverending Story scene in the bookshop)? Also, as for a beautiful soul, could this be choosing not to devour/ destroy, but simply shining the light and going peacefully through life instead? edited by Michelle.Allison.S on 3/30/2024
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