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Forum Home » High Critique » Selah ("Rest") - Would appreciate a critique

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/17/2021 2:46:03 PM

Twelve Twelve
Posts: 9
Something isn't quite right here. I think it might be the "feel" line, but not sure??? I would appreciate comments, both negative and positive. Thank you. (Sorry, can't seem to get the formatting right.)



Selah



Soldiers at the Tomb of the Unknowns
March in exacting time
To a beat unheard except in their hearts


21 steps, pause 21seconds, 21 steps, pause 21 seconds
An endless succession
Guarding more than the bones of men long gone


A place to honor
A place to heal
A place to remember
To tyranny they did not kneel


Battle cries to steel the nerves
Men dead for their ideals
And the chance for others to live free


A place to honor
A place to heal
A place to remember
All that we hold dear


Remnants of wars a younger generation has forgotten
Growing up without fear
For their freedom, yet afraid of life


A place to honor
A place to heal
A place to remember
It’s not just about what we “feel”


Victory and valor subjugated to peace
Or what passes for it
A triad of freedom reduced to a single flawed leg


A place to honor
A generational changeover
A place to remember
As the bones in the tomb silently roll over
edited by Twelve on 9/17/2021
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