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Forum Home » High Critique » I'm new, so any feedback would be great

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/20/2021 11:51:15 PM

April Lee
Posts: 1
The comfort of the creek


Deep into the woods she'd flee,
To hide her face behind a tree,
With the hope one would see,
Her face so full of misery.

The woods were Wicked, dark, and thick,
And they always did the trick,
So she ran hard, and she ran quick,
To escape the things that made her sick.

Her stomach churned, tossed, and grumbled,
Her insides wicked tumbled,
So upset she barely mumbled,
And her words she more than fumbled.

But in her old friend the creek,
She'd find the solace she did seek,
When she felt so awful weak,
Two him's the only one she'd speak.

He'd wrap her in his foaming arms,
Shelter her from any harm,
No tricks or Jinx to disarm,
Unlike the boys with their charm.

The boys were heartless cold and Mean,
Full of Tricks she'd never seen,
At first they treat her like a queen,
F*** her dirty and lick her clean.

They'd break her heart, and kill her soul,
Show her things she'd care not know,
Just a fat girl sitting by an old window,
Waiting on monsters who never show.
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8/29/2021 10:07:43 PM

Rob Alter
Posts: 1
good one bro

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Qatar Airways Cancellation Policy
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9/17/2021 2:55:05 PM

Twelve Twelve
Posts: 9
This set a good mood until you hit the verse about the boys. The poem's about the girl, and the strong language used turns the focus toward the aggressors. Good, unexpected turn on the last lines.
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