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Is this a good rhyming poem

5/12/2021 1:11:11 AM

Shreyash Mukherjee
Posts: 1
Before your last breath says goodbye to you,
Before your soul passes a last smile to you,
Before the entire time and tide stop with you,
& before the mother of death extends her hand towards you.

Try to do at least one thing,
Which can make you the mightiest king,
Which can make you different from the whole world,
And which can quench your soul’s thirst.

For you life will always be tough,
The smooth roads will always be rough,
For you life will always be a bluff,
And your enemies will only point out the dirt on your cuff.

The day you can jump the biggest hurdle,
The day you can solve the toughest riddle,
The day you can see your shadow even when your eyes are closed,
And the day you can open a window when all your doors are closed.

That day a new dawn will be there in your life,
Your all enemies will be forced to apologize,
Your existence on earth will resemble a paradise,
And it may happen that you will die one day,
But for ever your soul will survive,
For ever your soul will survive……………….
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9/19/2021 10:23:48 PM

Twelve Twelve
Posts: 9
Very uplifting poem. Thoughtful. I like that you used "And" for the last line of each stanza (did you use the & on the first one for brevity?)

In the third stanza, all your lines rhyme. It's different than the others and maybe not as strong.

Great title.

Excellent imagery in the first stanza -- love the expression "mother of death" extending her hand. Not something I've heard before, but makes it less ominous when it's a mother, right?

Why are all the enemies forced to apologize?

Look what makes the first stanza so strong, and maybe adjust the others to contain the same imagery. Or not ;-)
edited by Twelve on 9/19/2021
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