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Forum Home » High Critique » High Critique _Return to Excellence _Revised

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
6/27/2019 5:18:53 PM

Niyna Desangre
Posts: 5
High Critique _ Return to Excellence -Revised

~names allured ere call of wind _conferred again to Alls’ begin~
~meandering souls ebb tides of sea _ so shall marrows forever be~

We hark unto ye trumpets, O elephants_ tis proclaimed magnificence_
As Ye Bellow of Life’s passing in “Heavenly Eloquence”~

Here lies a tribute of essential remembrance_
A wading monument of Life on earth brief residence.
Here silences the war of self_ O ye grateful benevolence_
Desisted “malum in se” per ye astute calm resonance~

Though humble our earthly abode, our ethereal statue is that of supreme prominence_
It is in this light we ask that thy soul be judge not harshly but with care and tenderness_
We extend our forgiveness to all thy follies so their weight is of minor consequence_
We Pray that of all the works of thine hands _ only the best be that of the highest significance;
in determining the final resting place of thy eternal unending existence.
For as a well loved and devoted friend, and family, we pray thy deeds built thee a worthy heavenly edifice.

As we lay in mourn with thee _ let our outstretched hands hold as clear unwavering evidence_
Our bond to rise above the shadows of darkness and fear _ to shine brightly in unified elegance_
So Ye may live on amongst those before you in humble respect and love _ with dignified endurance_

Thy life is forever ours _ In memory of thy happiness, thy sorrows, thy absence and in thy ever presence_
There shall be no other like unto thee_ For Thy virtue is beheld by Thine own instinctive essence.
So blame us not for our reluctance to give way to thy fate _ we beg pardon of our momentary hesitance.

Standing together here today _ we stand not in question of our sad unwillful grievances.
For the bitter sweet memory of thy “Life and Loves” flashes before our eyes in momentary instances.
We know not how the movement of each passing moment will shake us _ so take not those who sit in silence as malevolent indifference_
Forgive us_ at a time of such great lost _ there are those held silently _ as souls suspended in quite innocence_

We give unto Thee of our devotion sealed with and by Love’s influence
To take with Thee _ to journey onward _ in everlasting Perseverance.
Let not our weeps and wails turn thee back a glance for proud is our stance.
As We share in this moment of Honor_ in your return to Excellence.

~Thy names been called_ Thy breath’s the wind _~Thy flesh tarries not of mice and men,
Thy meandering soul ebb tides of sea_ on river's edge we now search for thee~
edited by Niynache on 6/27/2019
edited by Niynache on 7/4/2019
edited by Niynache on 7/4/2019
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