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Forum Home » High Critique » Critique, an Invitation

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/11/2019 9:44:07 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 132
Let your words come like leeches
sucking bad blood from the body
of my work. Swell with pride
excising disturbing humors.
Ill, I have come, and arm-bare,
begging to be saved.
Open a vein, young apothecary.
There is plenty of humor to spare.
I do not mind the mending knife,
the fire of its kiss only brightens my chances of living.
I do not mind the gluttony of innocent words
as they draw away the poison.
Fever throbs in my ears.
Cure me.
edited by superlativedeleted on 3/11/2019
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3/21/2019 11:53:00 AM

Miranda Hawley
Posts: 1
If I understand your opening correctly you are looking to get rid of all the negative things in your life. And if I understand bare arm correctly that is your meaning of of ready for the blood draw. I am having trouble with your word apothecary (and in my minds eye) no apothecary is needed. Over all score I am giving is 7/10 because a lot of deep meaning went into this. Your score is not a 10/10 because I had to read it a few times to understand it. Also nice ending.
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