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Forum Home » High Critique » Caprice 1/venting 2; critiques welcome

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/10/2019 10:41:55 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 132
The stars are not so far.
You may pluck them
like berries, and pop them in your mouth
and they will twinkle on your tongue,
or you can put them in your pockets like candies,
or carry them home in a handkerchief.
Remember to roll up your slacks
as you stand in the river of wind,
your bare feet clutching the grass as you reach.

Night makes you taller than the street lamps
as you stroll farther and farther from bed,
your head about to bump the moon.
The Earth does not feel your weight
as it spins through the darkness
unable to reach the end,
just spinning
and spinning through darkness,
meteors flying past it like warning shots
as meteorites penetrate its airy flesh.
And it spins as fast as it can
trying to stay out of the way
but unable to escape,
blue and beautiful,
a jewel the rocks will never celebrate
as they collide in space in "hoorays" of dust and
silent booms.
Blue jewels are not gems in space
they are freaks,
forever squirreling around the sun,
as the galaxy goes on,
twinkles on,
spiraling down the cosmic drain
of a
big
black
hole ---
edited by superlativedeleted on 3/10/2019
edited by superlativedeleted on 3/10/2019
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