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Forum Home » High Critique » Sons of Eden

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/10/2019 2:27:23 AM

stranja depoet
Posts: 8
The call of morning roosters
Is a call of God's gardeners to duty
I see footprints cast
In the breezy dew of the early morning
As they lumber to their fields

Ignoring the ache of their backs
Shadows of sleep under their eyes
And the hurt of their callused palms,
They still hold to hoes and cutlasses
Duty calls, a call they can't ignore

With cracked but soothing voice
They sing to the spirits of the air
Whilst battling sword to sword
With weeds that attack their crops
There's no sigh of relief, until the sun starts to sleep.

They give no ear to tiredness
Even when their veins scream for help
For they were born to serve at the altar of God
With bread from their fields of corn
And wine from grapes in their yard of vine

They were chosen by the heavens above
To work under the sun's very radiation
To feed and care for the whole nation
Their love for humanity
Was incubated and hatched in lands beyond reach of mortals

We live on their crops
And feed on their livestock
Eden's sons deserve our applause
For the y sustain our lives.

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2/10/2019 4:02:11 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 119
There are no sons of Eden

only descendants of The Fruit.

They do their best with what they can

as Able still lies blue.

Long cast out of Paradise

they till the worldly soil

and blame the Lord for all their pains

and all their sinful toil.

Some give thanks for what they've sewn,

conceited, humble-proud,

thinking they're the chosen ones

as Hell still overcrowds.

The Lord made do with what Cain left.

(beggars can't be choosers).

With sword held high they judge by The Fruit

that made each one a loser.
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2/10/2019 6:46:41 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 119
Holy Abel could have killed,

if he'd had a sword.

Holy Abel could have killed,

if he'd loved the Lord.

Holy Abel never thought

to craft a shining blade

intended for his Brother's death.

Instead, was rams he gave.

Only Cain dreamed so dark

to win God's love through force.

Proving that he loved God best,

he killed without remorse.

And when God came

upon the scene

where Abel lay in blood,

and saw his eyes

as soft as lambs

that gazed at crimson suds,

He must have known at once was Cain

that came with fire and sword

to steal the love God freely gave

but sin could not afford.

And even then, God cradled Cain

for the sake of the world to come,

and told him that he loved him best

until his life was done.
edited by superlativedeleted on 2/10/2019
edited by superlativedeleted on 2/10/2019
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2/15/2019 3:21:37 AM

stranja depoet
Posts: 8
Sons of Eden is an ode to farmers, I only used Eden because it's a garden, that in a way depicts a farmland . I wanted to talk about farmers without using the word itself.Your poem anyways is stunningly beautiful and well thought of. You can always pass by to see me anytime, that will be very much appreciated.
Best regards ~stranja

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