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2/8/2019 10:14:15 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255

Magnificent. Great flow. Great use of line breaks. Great style. Good use of metaphors and smiles. The metaphor about the addiction being wrapped and re-wrapped in silver foil is fantastic, and it's well placed at the end where it is the most memorable.

The poem has such a lovely transition from the mundane to the descent into addiction that I wish that the title didn't give away the main subject right away, that the addiction and trying to get clean was a surprise.

you try to keep the rain on window cliche fresh by describing it as scratching. I'm on the fence as to whether it works or not. the description is novel, but the image itself isn't, so it is hard to say. The half boiled kettles steaming is such a fantastic simile that it might outweigh the cliche since they are back to back, but perhaps the stanza would be stronger removing the rain on the glass. I would still include the rain though as the rain and steam together imply tbe cold. Perhaps the rain could be scratching down the backs of the weathered boards of the boathouse instead? it might fit with a sense of primal sensualitysensuality while still conspiring with the steam to convey the cold.

The hound/ bitch metaphor works, but it might be off putting to those that react to the word bitch. Since the stanza closes with the idea of death and chemicals maybe the image of a witch would still convey the sentiment and also tie into the idea of chemicals, potions, poison - the boathouse could suddenly be a gingerbread house with no escape and no trail of breadcrumbs to find ones way back from. Though, i think going full Hansel and Gretel would take the poem out of its beautifully grounded voice. Just exploring.

Great, great, great. Remember to review capitalization and punctuation.

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