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Forum Home » High Critique » please critique.

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/10/2019 2:37:40 PM

desola Lois
Posts: 5
betrayal

A while ago, she was here
Promising to hold my hand till forever
Never letting go she said
Tears shed together
Jokes laughed at together
Hurts felt together
A while ago, she was that mountain that can never be moved
Firmly she stood by me

Until forever ended.
She was a mountain, now she is the wind
Passing never to return to its starting point
The hurts that we felt together was the very knife that was used to cut through my very heart
My trust and hope was her ship
The tears we shed together was the sea that she sailed on
Our laughter was the sound of her mockery roaring and echoing

Slowly and slowly as I descended in the very sea that we made
I asked myself when is forever?
Is there a forever?
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