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Forum Home » High Critique » Intertwine - critique please??

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/5/2019 11:51:43 AM

D.H. Alderose
Posts: 3
Hi all - please could you critique my poem
I'm unsure that it flows and I'm not sure if it ends too suddenly, thanks

Intertwine -
Your Body and mine,
I forget where you end and I begin,
Your skin on my skin,
You said you loved me you promised,
But you were never good at being honest,
Such a beautiful liar,
Set me on fire,

Don't you know I'm good for you?
I'd rip out my heart put it on my sleeve for you?
Let the ground swallow me whole,
For a glimpse into your soul,
Let me love you,
All your broken parts,
Your lonely parts,
Your having me laugh until I cry parts,
Even the part that broke my heart.
But you have won,
I have come undone.
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