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Forum Home » High Critique » Please critique my poem

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/27/2018 9:38:22 AM

Posts: 1
Tears falling gently on my chin like raindrops dripping off a leaf.They are salt and warm, and cause me pain.My heart feels as if it will break in two as if it is a tornado ripping through the trees. Uprooting everything that lives, Leaving all desolate.I feel as if I should be dead, but this pain tells me I am not.Tears falling like little rivers, flowing from my chin to my breastsFeeling as if I am floating, becoming one with the river of painSobs are dying, becoming sighs like a breeze in the treesGoing from pain to desolation and soon to resignation.Tears are as an ointment for our soulsSoftening and cleansing, healing , making all whole.Out of our tears we emerge as a phoenix, reborn.Through our tears we rejoice, because if we feel we existAnd if we exist we live.

linda donkel
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12/31/2018 10:42:30 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 96
this poem could literally be about anything or anyone. there's nothing personal about it at all.

it could be a mother with empty nest syndrome; it could be a woman in Yemen grieving about her staving child; it could be about a young woman experiencing her first break up; it could be a young woman experiencing abuse; it could be an old woman saying goodbye to her husband dying of cancer; it could be a woman that didn't get a bank loan for her business; it could be a young woman that just became homeless because she's a lesbian and her parents kicked her out; it could be a woman that lost everything she owns in a wildfire; it could be a CEO that just lost her business in a stock market crash; it could be a woman serving in the military that just realized she lost both her legs; etc...

The ocean is made of tears; who survives crossing it is far more interesting.

Good luck.
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