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Forum Home » High Critique » The Rumble

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/19/2010 7:54:55 PM

Michael Benkhen
Posts: 40
I hear a rumble, a distant rumble
and a pain.
Again I hear a rumble, a vibration in the air
Perhaps thunder
Then the pain, the vicious pain returns.

I feel a pain, a vicious pain
from within.
Will it rain? I hear a rumble, a distant rumble
in my head.
I feel the vertigo setting in, I yell with all I have but no one hears. The floor becomes the ceiling and I plummet to my knees.

I hear the thunder growing stronger
my insides start to shake.
The pain becomes more then I can bare
and I weep.
I weep in the cold, I taste my tears
They become my only nourishment
and my fear.
I find myself on my back, gasping

I need food
I need food
I need food

But I know I won't get any.

- I wrote this, fighting a headache and incoming writer's block.
  So...I hope theres nothing wrong with it.
  Tell me what you think

The land is littered with the graves of animals I never killed yet somehow mourn.
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