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Forum Home » High Critique » i need someone to critique my poem

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/25/2011 3:10:36 PM

Jordan Williams
Posts: 2
i am new to this site but ive already submitted a poem because i was cosidered poet of the week in a news paper plaes give feedback
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8/25/2011 3:12:23 PM

Jordan Williams
Posts: 2
I apologize for the lies, I used for my disguise.
I must learn not to sympathize, but to empathize.
‘Cause my negative actions terrorize the people who I idolize and/or prize.
Therefore, I realize the fact I have to revise, minimize and sterilize my life, because of this, music is my sunrise, but only my passion for music can end my self-destruction or demise.
Therefore I need to rationalize my choices so I don’t get categorized or characterized and criticized for my evil side in which is the side of me I despise.
Therefore I vocalize (sing) and verbalize (rap),
To visualize my arise for being wise in my attack.
To recognize, penalize and exercise the poltergeist
or evil spirit which advertised the sin and lies of rap.
This is my attack, to rise, ‘cause rap today is
built on lies, so utilize your gifts and talents
to surprise, neutralize, baptize and revolutionize
a world of demise and introduce a world of facts.
I don’t wanna dignitize the world of media’s lies.
A true rebel today goes against the norm of the idolize of merchandise.
So be a true rebel and change today’s world of media. Listen to the message ‘cause the truth underlies.
So get this message because it mystifies.
These following I don’t wanna’s are mine and try to see my life through not yours, but my eyes.
1. I don’t wanna be locked up, I just wanna go home.
But I keep on doing wrong, that’s why I sing this song.
2. I don’t wanna cry no more, but I’m so depressed. But I’ve witnessed blood and gore, these feelings I express.
3. I don’t wanna be alone, I just wanna have my own. I will always sing my songs, trying to right my wrongs.
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9/4/2011 11:24:45 PM

Keith Baker
Posts: 18
1. "dignitize" isn't a word. 2. "norm of idolize of merchandise" doesn't make sense 3. To keep the -ize theme going some of the lines are stretched too much like "to recognize, penalize and exercise (sic) the poltergeist", penalizing a ghost is kind of silly but the other two parts work.
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