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12/29/2017 8:03:31 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255

very straight foward and accessible. very honest and unadorned, but not without beauty. very plain-spoken, but not without music.

very strong use of rhyme. not overdone, 4 key words, all very naturally placed, completely without force.

the line breaks and seemingly regular timing of the rhymes creates a musical (spinning?) effect which is very nice.

for me there is a note of melancholy throughout. perhaps it is the short phrasing of the lines, the similarity of phrasing of the lines. It's not a complaint; it's more of a question/ observation. The element of affection is very strong, but there seems to be an admixture of sadness. Perhaps is in part from writing it all in future tense? yearning for something to happen that hasnt happened? something out of reach?

All in all i like its sweetness, its simplicity, its honesty. it's not afraid to be human.

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