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Forum Home » High Critique » Don't hold back

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/18/2011 6:30:33 PM

Spanish Rose
Posts: 4
(I also don't even know what form of poetry this would be considered.)

Destructive rose with your thorns

Elegance deserving to be forlorn

Stabbing those who hold you close

Deceiving those who love you most

Called by any other name, just as sweet?

How about betraying, beguiling, or disaster to complete

Lonely rose, receiving love

Yet only reciprocating with sharp pointed shove

Then someone reaches out

Reality piercingly clear

Your're certainly lovely

But never loving, my dear
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9/7/2011 7:29:43 PM

Keith Baker
Posts: 18
Awesome except the "Called by any other name, just as sweet?" line is number three on the list of cliches under resources. I like the idea of those two lines but I think they can be written with more originality and keep the same point. Maybe something like "Called Queen of the Bouquet for being so sweet"
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9/20/2011 12:03:06 PM

Eleanore Bourner
Posts: 17
I love the rhyming and I think it flows beautifully and I would just put the form down as Rhyme. ------Ell
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9/22/2011 12:19:56 PM

Esson Alumbugu
Posts: 1
This poem can safely be called a free verse. Stanza 1 has too much contrast in rhythm and syllable content thus creating no harmony. This gives a prose-like read to the poem. I hope you aren't rhyming "love" and "shove" in lines 8 & 9. But i like the theme and presentation. Thank you.
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