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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/13/2017 11:43:24 AM

Stephanie Allen
Posts: 1
Roll the dice of love
What will it land on?
Will it caress you with a gentle touch?
Or will it suffocate you and watch you gasp for air?
Go ahead and play Russian Roulette
Love becomes the bullet
Metallic and cold to the touch
If you are lucky you’ll miss this love bullet of death

Love to gamble?
Well gamble with love
The stakes are high
Love is the dealer and your opponent
What’s the prize you may wonder?
A lifetime of happiness
Or better yet some heartache and pain

Think twice before playing
The best players have lost this game
It might sound discouraging
But if you don’t have a ticket you don’t have a chance to win the love lottery
Play at your own risk of course
edited by Stephy on 12/13/2017
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12/14/2017 12:33:23 PM

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 49
There is a lot of generalizing here. Even though running the concept of love through various games are images, they are pretty pedestrian observations. A reader could ask, "Why should I believe the speaker?" In my opinion, that is why writers show and not tell the reader how to think and feel.
What happened to the speaker to believe love is like Russian Roulette. It is a clever thought, but not much "meat" on it. Readers are a bit voyeuristic, they look for the "dirt", the more idiosyncratic and specific the better. The reader wants to take the journey with you, not be told how things are. Sorry to be a downer. Best wishes!
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