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12/30/2017 2:18:36 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255

the real poem begins lines 7-12
lines 1- 6 sap the originality from the poem by using images and descriptions that are frequently used, or are generic and not specific to the theme of the poem.

my suggestion is to rewrite lines 1-6 in ways that evoke and foreshadow the parent-child dynamic at the end. Example: the raindrops drum the roof like tiny bored fingers. This way you're still describing the rain, but you're using it as figurative language to convey the boredom of the little one, which creates a contrast with the wonder at the end of the poem. I would re-examine lines 1-6 in this way.

I would eliminate the line about the single rain drop on the pane of glass. It's not only a painful cliche, but a single raindrop is capriciously unrealistic in the midst of thousands of drops of rain.

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