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Forum Home » High Critique » Critique please for 'Autumn' poem

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/17/2017 12:34:00 AM

Once Shore
Posts: 1
Autumn is a flaming sky of burgundy beauty
filled with orange leaves gently dancing
as they fall upon your heart
evoking bittersweet memories
composed with the dying embers of summer
and ending in the faultless taste of
savoury imperfection.
edited by Once on 11/17/2017
edited by Once on 11/17/2017
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12/30/2017 3:47:45 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 96
if your goal is to evoke bittersweet memories in the reader, you must do it through your powers of description and use of figurative language.

Maybe the reader has no bittersweet memories of Autumn. Maybe it's their favorite season when everything is full of color, and family and friends are gathered together like piles of gold and purple leaves.

Simply saying "evoking bittersweet memories" is as about effective as telling someone "suddenly you're happy", "suddenly you're sad" etc...

Writing a bittersweet scene that takes place in Autumn would be more effective, or something figurative. Example: I couldn't help but think of our last summer together, as the Autumn leaves broke beneath my shoes.
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