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Forum Home » Be Gentle » the wall

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
10/28/2017 9:10:19 PM

conner lowe
Posts: 1
stuck in darkness

only himself to fear

must escape

even so, trapped

ought not let him die

none were to love

even the closest

hadn’t known; hadn’t heard

emptiness within

lie he there

persistence in patience

maintaining silent cries

equinox unseen; yet still desired




don’t let him labor

only in vain

no avail

thrust into confinement

locked in his own doing

exclusion

there he remains

mental atrophy

even so, trapped

fixed, his wall remains

alleviation he desires

don’t overlook

eminent oblivion
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12/30/2017 4:04:12 PM

Jack Webster
Posts: 71
reminds me of reports of the effects of solitary confinement. i don't usually go for fragmented lines, but it works well here.
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