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Forum Home » High Critique » Brian Strand...I'm your huckleberry.

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/31/2017 10:31:22 PM

Michael Vacek
Posts: 10
Gift of the Gifted

For every person in need,
Exists another bathing in greed.
There is always enough to go around,
Why does poverty knowingly abound?

Ask about gifts no strings attached,
The giver will reminisce of joy unmatched.
The gifting action gives one pleasure,
Often returned in infinite measure.

While some exist to extoll and deceive,
Those in true need should not believe,
Asking for help is a sign of weakness,
Piercing the gift of humility and meekness.

In a perfect world, need would not exist,
This world is choked with opportunity missed.
The ability to give, is plagued with doubt.
While the propensity to ask singles out.

Judgement should be reserved for the gifted,
Givers should not bear this burden shifted.
Give as much and as often as can be beared,
All that has been given is meant to be shared.
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8/31/2017 10:34:49 PM

Michael Vacek
Posts: 10
Now that we're both on Main Street... Let the lead fly. Fill me with holes.
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9/9/2017 1:54:35 AM

Jack Webster
Posts: 255
I think you have alot to say
and write to help mankind.
Although the senses say things best,
they're absent in your lines.

While poems may express a thought,
or better yet a feeling,
I think it often, more than not,
is spirit needs the healing.

I see this wisdom in your work,
the want to mend the world.
I think the senses say things best
and make the will unfurl.

Inviting all the senses in,
like sight, and sound, and rhyme,
creates a thought that deeply speaks
beyond the thoughtless mind.

These motions are a culmination
of all our motivations.
emotions are our motivations
and sensual revelations.

I think, perhaps, you could explore
another draft or two,
depicting scenes that juxtapose
what greed and kindness do.

I feel the senses say things best,
although your thoughts are sound,
but in the senses readers find
the feeling to be found.

I hope these words contain some truth
and nothing that offends.
I'm really glad you shared your work,
and here my rhyming ends.
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