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3/1/2011 12:46:12 PM Jeremy Moore Posts: 2	What is innocence Is it a little boy that pulls his toy fire truck down the street And it follows him on a string As he dodges empty beer bottles And crack needles Wishing his toy. had wings Is it a little girl who dreams of tea parties And dolls And in the next room her father hits her mom And slams her against Walls Is it the kid who’s playing cops And robbers And finds his fathers gun And suddenly it’s not so fun What is innocence Is it the American in his lazy boy Watching American idol As if it’s, hisidol As his government bombs another village Is it becoming aware of our obesity epidemic As another child dies from an Empty stomach What is innocence Is it venti coffee you buy for $4.99 To stay awake at work As you push passed the homeless As you stand in line And you clutch your quarters And mutter, this is mine Is it teaching your family Jesus and love As you yell… Nuke those Muslim towel heads Send them to, hell What is innocence that little boy whose pulling his toy with it’s broken wheel Do you think he doesn’t know that the price of that crackneedle Could buy him a meal? Do you think he doesn’t, know that that beer bottle Is why he bares the bruises on his skin Is it why he has to force himself to grin? Is that little girl sitting with her perfectly coifed dolls Singing to herself so she doesn’t hear the screams Doesn’t she scream in terror as her father bursts into her dreams. And shoves her mom crashing into her little table. Does she have to dream, to live her fable And even then, is she able? Do you wonder what she is thinking as she struggles to push the head back on her doll or is it a way for her to merely, ignore it all Are you watching with 20 million other viewers A drone in your living room, a slave to a box A fly in a web of airwaves Do you think your government is doing the same Or are they filling up Graves is there an agenda being played as our minds are swayed Is this distraction as innocent as it seems? And that epidemic….An epidemic of having too much food Begging someone please! stop us from eating I cant see, my knees like it’s the bubonic plague like we’re dropping like flies An epidemic! Could we build a memorial and carve on its stone 5 million died this year from an this epidemic alone we could… if we replaced obesity with starvation Is it ironic that the fat kids stomach looks just as big as the starving ones. What is innocence Is a boy who just wants to spend time with his grandpa He doesn’t understand As his grandpa takes him by the, hand And leads into the bathroom To show him the darker side of man That in that moment he’ll have to grow up Faster then he planned Faster then he can What is innocence Does it exist in this land From the time were born We stripped down, bought and torn From violence to porn We’re watched and mimicked Our lives just a gimmick To get in our little kids heads Where innocence treads To take away their bliss The only thing that they were born, with What is innocence Does it exist anymore Or in this day and age Have we closed that door Forever more?
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3/19/2011 3:24:33 PM RAQUEL p Posts: 12	Sad, but true. Your poem basically summed up everything people try to ignore. Everything people pretend isnt real, because it is to sad. Great poem, sad reality, keep writing
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3/19/2011 7:14:53 PM julie heckman Posts: 17	Hi Jeromy... a narrative of a very depressing view of life certainly there is some balance there??? Sometimes life can be so difficult but I wonder what you poem would be like if you talked equally about what you're grateful for??
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3/19/2011 9:02:55 PM Windyann Plunkett Posts: 2	visually stunning and i yes i do agree with julie, a little depressing but I enjoyed your emotion
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3/20/2011 1:47:25 PM Aron Jacob Posts: 12	There is some very strange and inconsistent (as well as some incorrect) punctuation that I think detracts from the reader's experience here. I'm not sure what was intentional and what wasn't, but you may want to consider some further editing. I am also not a fan of inconsistent rhyming...either rhyme or don't...but that's just my personal preference. Rhyming creates a rhythm to a poem that impacts the experience of the words and it is odd to the ear to have just a piece of a poem in rhyme unless there is some clear reason for its introduction at a specific point. The message of the poem is quite poignant, but i agree with the previous comment that there is a lack of balance. I think the point becomes clear too early in the poem, and then it just becomes a redundant set of details. Not much new is being added as the poem goes on, so it does become a bit overwrought, in my opinion. You have a clear voice and a clear message, so this is a great beginning, but I think it needs editing in aspects of style, form, and content.
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