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Forum Home » High Critique » Tear it to Shreds!

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/8/2011 5:09:43 AM

Kristina Reid-Hansen
Posts: 3
Normal 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman";}Twas thenight before Christmas and all through the town
Not acreature was breathing, not one to be found.

Bloodyhandprints swept the walls which once were white
Darknessovershadowed anything that had light

Littleboys were decapitated and sprawled across the floor,
Whilelittle girls were skinned alive; hung as décor for every door.

Mothershad their jaws ripped straight from their heads
As theirchildren screamed for mercy from their very own beds.

Panic andpain ricocheted off the walls
Pets werebrutally butchered then stretched out in the halls

And Fatherswere kept alive long enough to observe
Thentheir eyes were gouged only to dangle by an optic nerve

Fifty-sixminutes is all the creature takes
To slaythe whole town with its massacre earthquake

Agonyrained something fierce this night
For thistown was caught in the worst of plights

And theecho of dripping blood is now all you can hear
Thestench swimming through the air is encapsulated fear.

To havedodged this slaughter would have been transmundane
For this monster,this beast was most definitely inhumane

It camethrough the windows and tore through the blinds
Grabbingany human or beast it could find

ThenSlash the body! Gnash at the body! Bash them in the crown!
And Thrashthe body! Lash at the body! Mash the body down!

Then itrips out your tongue and swallows it whole
Thisfiendish freak has a heart made of coal

Whenwondering eyes caught a glimpse of what did appear
They knewit wasn’t Santa and his flying reindeers

It wascovered in black fur from its head to its toes
Its smalleyes glimmered white like the sight of fresh snow

Razor,jagged teeth a quarter meter long
Its bitewas considered to be bear trap strong

No lips,no ears, no nose on its face
Insteadthere were just holes, just a bunch of empty space.

Thefingers and nails grew together as one
Sharperthan blades which were forged by the sun

And itcarried a sack, but in it were trolls
Thatwould jump out to grab the tormented souls

Thedrawing of the souls was the vilest thing to see
Theyshrieked and moaned, then begged for mercy

Butbefore this act the hearts were ripped out
And thetrolls gobbled them up without a shadow of a doubt

But thena glare of its eye and a twitch of its head
Thetrolls jump back in the sack or they knew they’d be dead

And itshrieked the same five words as it left like when it came
A bellowfrom hell, you could say sounded the same

If youwere to hear these words, you could put its reign to an end
So withits saw-like teeth, your tongue it rends.

And when it’scomplete, with no time to stall
Thedemons dash away, Dash away, Dash away all!

It issaid to come back every fifty-sixth year
On thenight before Christmas like this time here

To repeatthe bloodbath on a town such as this
Leavingthem no time for one final wish

So sleeplight on a night which is said to be merry
For youmight receive a visit from the Massacre Fairy.
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2/11/2011 1:43:44 AM

Kristina Reid-Hansen
Posts: 3
So no comments??? I can assume its good then??
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5/16/2011 10:54:34 PM

Matt Hunt
Posts: 10
Yes it's very good. Just try to space where needed to make it an easier read. Other than that great job
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5/19/2011 8:29:09 PM

JSLambert Mister ROBOTO
Posts: 2
The spacing was kinda trippin' me up and out. I think it was nice with the flows in several spots. Also, you could chop out a few of the wordy verses, nerdy as it sounds on my part. I can tell you are in it for shock value with this one. All in all, it is a good story. If you really go back and listen to the flow, you will know what I mean. I like to plug my ears and read it out loud. I don't know why, but it helps me chill with the HI-Fi voices in my head! Hope I could help.

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