Poetry Forum
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/26/2011 4:05:37 AM
Lisa Cole Posts: 14
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Crisp cool chardonnay drenches their lips, it's flavour running rivulets over their tongues eyes widen over the candlelit table, and he thinks about giving her sons
Rich sticky risotto slowly prised from bowls mouthfuls devoured in anticipation he wipes his mouth with emphasised lust and she thinks about sensual elation
Chargrilled sardines stare eyes from their plates she plucks them away, eats them whole one by one his leg quivers tremulously under the table her sweetness burning like african suns
Creamy crem brulee drips from their spoons slips down their throats, placating their hunger he presses his appetite firmly to hers her thighs draw him in to taste erotic thunder
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1/26/2011 4:06:07 AM
Lisa Cole Posts: 14
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please take the time to have alook at some of my poetry, i need to build my confidence in my writing thanks x
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1/27/2011 9:17:31 AM
julie heckman Posts: 17
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This is a breatifully expressed excellent poem! The imagery is luscious and very well crafted it made me ravenous. There are just a few spelling errors I'd recommend fixing: Third line: should be two words "candle lit" table... Fifth line: should be "prized" also on line 13: "crem" should be "creme brulee" This may seem tright but this caliber of writing should be perfect.
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1/27/2011 9:22:23 AM
julie heckman Posts: 17
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oh...and The title doesn't really need "and" just "He Feeds Her" I would enter this in a contest best wishes Julie
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2/21/2011 12:47:05 PM
Arte misia Posts: 2
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The sensory imagery is fantastic and the connection you make between the palatable and emotional is well-done. Very unique and full-bodied.
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3/17/2011 8:25:30 PM
Manouchka doreus Posts: 23
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well-expressed and elequent
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