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Forum Home » Be Gentle » AND HE FEEDS HER. please take a look x

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/26/2011 4:05:37 AM

Lisa Cole
Posts: 14
Crisp cool chardonnay drenches their lips,
it's flavour running rivulets over their tongues
eyes widen over the candlelit table,
and he thinks about giving her sons

Rich sticky risotto slowly prised from bowls
mouthfuls devoured in anticipation
he wipes his mouth with emphasised lust
and she thinks about sensual elation

Chargrilled sardines stare eyes from their plates
she plucks them away, eats them whole one by one
his leg quivers tremulously under the table
her sweetness burning like african suns

Creamy crem brulee drips from their spoons
slips down their throats, placating their hunger
he presses his appetite firmly to hers
her thighs draw him in to taste erotic thunder
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1/26/2011 4:06:07 AM

Lisa Cole
Posts: 14
please take the time to have alook at some of my poetry, i need to build my confidence in my writing thanks x
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1/27/2011 9:17:31 AM

julie heckman
Posts: 17
This is a breatifully expressed excellent poem! The imagery is luscious and very well crafted it made me ravenous. There are just a few spelling errors I'd recommend fixing:
Third line: should be two words "candle lit" table...
Fifth line: should be "prized" also on line 13: "crem" should be "creme brulee"
This may seem tright but this caliber of writing should be perfect.
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1/27/2011 9:22:23 AM

julie heckman
Posts: 17
oh...and The title doesn't really need "and" just "He Feeds Her" I would enter this in a contest
best wishes
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2/21/2011 12:47:05 PM

Arte misia
Posts: 2
The sensory imagery is fantastic and the connection you make between the palatable and emotional is well-done. Very unique and full-bodied.
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3/17/2011 8:25:30 PM

Manouchka doreus
Posts: 23
well-expressed and elequent
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